I'd buy you a monkey

Years ago, when I wasn't grounded (which wasn't often), I would sign into an AOL chat room under than name - get ready - dorkmagno - and start the convo off with "who likes bare naked ladies?" of course, I was referring to the band. But I always got lots of responses from strangers. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure what's weirder. The fact that I started convos asking about bare naked women or the fact that I spent my ungrounded time in chat rooms with strangers.

hoops with daddy deeze

So, my dad went to UNC for undergrad and for law school. I wouldn't say he necessarily bleeds blue (like me. and let's be honest, that's really only because when I lived in FL, everyone just assumed I was a huge ACC basketball fan since I was from NC. Of course I was, I told them. And since I just so happened to have a UNC jersey hanging in my closet from Halloween one year, I became the largest UNC fan EVER), but back to my dad. If he IS actually going to watch sports, he'd prefer for it to be UNC. There was a point where I was thisclose to moving to Chapel Hill to work for UNC Hospitals. I had my house picked out and had already talked to dad about how we would a)get season tickets to everything (except women's basketball because let's face it. it's women's basketball) and b)sell my driveway during game day. I was gonna be rolling in the carolina blue deep. Except then I didn't move to Chapel Thrill. I didn't want to totally dash dad's carolina blue dreams, so for Christmas, I got him tickets to the UNC v Virginia game. He received two tickets, but really he only got one. Clearly I was going to take the other. I told him upfront that our seats were bad. Little did I know just how bad they really were.

Game day finally arrived and I was excited! Dad was under strict instructions to wear his best Carolina gear. You'll see from the picture above just what that consisted of: nothing. First order of business? Food. I am my father's daughter after all. We got some snacks and snuck down to the floor seats (ie the Rams Club seats) to watch our boys warm up. Dad promptly dropped his hot dog on the floor, along with the bottle of mustard and ketchup that apparently came with it. I was trying to take pictures of my husband Tyler Zeller when dad said "uh oh Meredith. we gotta move." I looked down at the floor and agreed. Hot messes like us clearly didn't belong in the Rams Club. Now, I had warned dad that our seats were bad. He clearly didn't believe me because as we huffed and puffed to our seats he told me "well gee Meredith. I didn't realize you were serious!" Uhh thanks Dad for believing me. And welcome to Row Y (there is no Row Z) and congratulations on not being 6 foot 4 because while you may be tall, you wouldn't have a head any longer after getting to these seats. Oh, and have a napkin because your nose is gonna start bleeding pretty soon. Word to the wise: if I ever tell you I have a hunch we are the very last seats in the furthest corner, just believe me.

Luckily for me, I didn't have to worry about getting hungry. In an effort not to work up more of a sweat (I had a hot date later in the evening), I refused to leave my seat at the top of the Dean Dome. Dad left his seat often and each time, came back with a new snack. He shared hilarious stories of his days at UNC over popcorn, ice cream and other delights (did you know my dad and two of his friends were the founding -and only - members of the UNC chapter of the Young Americans for Freedom Right Wing Division?). While wiping the sweat off his brow, he decided these seats were perfect since we are both currently training for a 30.1 mile hike in April. "This will get you trained right up!" he told me on his 47th arrival from the food court.

Later that week, he called to tell me he had pulled a muscle.

merdeezy gets schooled on women getting beat

original facebook convo starter: This is the official police report of what happened to Rihanna. This is what America condones by allowing this man to make public appearances.This is what those women on Twitter want done to them.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/03/05/brown.warrant.pdf

Ernie Rushing That was hard to read. What a d-bag...

Meredith Robertson tell me this. why should america hate chris brown when as soon as the restraining order was up,rhianna went right back to canoodling with him???

Ernie Rushing I think it's safe to hate any dude who beats the hell out of a woman. The fact that she's an idiot and went back to him tells us a great deal about her insecurities, but bottome-line, guys stop hitting girls. If you are unable to handle r...elationship arguments with wit and reason...she's too powerful for you and you should probably end it...or become comfortable not being in charge. It's that simple. Hitting = Dbaggery and is not condoned by Ernie Rushing or his Enterprises. Boom, Lawyered.

John Johnston ‎@Meredith, it's called battered women syndrome, and it happens every single day to millions of women. Do some research before making illegitimate judgments. This man beat the shit out of her, much like many men do every day, and the wome...n go back to them for a vareity of sociological reasons. It doesn't make it right, and it definitely doesn't mean you should EVER blame the woman. The fault lies within, and only with, the person laying violence on another person. Comments like that are preposterous.

Meredith Robertson ‎@john, thank you for the lesson. maybe you should read my statement again because i'm pretty sure it doesn't say that i blame her or that i haven't done my research. but like i said, thank you for the lesson.

Evan Mullinix aMERICA shUD H8 cHRIs BROwn bC HE tiPPES lIKe DiS oN tWiTteR

Evan Mullinix And uses the abbreviation for idiots guide to write "ur.

Evan Mullinix Also, he beat RiRi in the face.

Ernie Rushing ‎@meredith...that was awesome. I was going to say something but I knew you would be amazing yourself. Evan is handsome and the only thing he beats down on women is their resistance and wills.

elevators are so awkward

just now, i got on the elevator with a bag of chips, a Mtn Dew, a bottle of water and a bag of cookies. I asked the guy who was also on the elevator if he could buzz me up (my badge was in my purse and it was pretty obvious my hands were full). He asked me who I was going to see. I stared at him and said "umm, I work here." He asked what floor. (Keep in mind he STILL hadn't buzzed the elevator doors to close, so we were standing there, having a staring competition, while the elevator stayed put.) What the freak dude. I told him I worked on the 4th floor. Ya know, the same floor as the ceo, the cfo and then general counsel. He continued to stare at me and then told me sometimes he has offered to escort visitors to see their people. I reminded him that as I had already told him, I worked here. I mean really, I may or may not be wearing boat shoes, baggy jeans and a grandma sweater. But the fact that I couldn't even have gotten into the building without being an employee clearly didn't register with this cat. So I did what anyone mature and in a good mood would do. I threw my things on the floor, including myself and dug out my badge. Then I buzzed my own damn self up to the 4th floor. And he just stared at me the entire ride.

who says i don't work hard for my lettuce!

I know. I used to act that joke out in class.

From: Meredith
Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:03 PM
To: Lee
Subject: Re: Facebook

do you know what you call a man with no arms and legs whose friends covered him up with leaves?

russle.

---

From: Lee
To: Meredith
Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:02:37 PM
Subject: RE: Facebook
Do you know what you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water?

Bob.

thought for the day.

the other night, helen keller tweeted:

today i ran into an old friend. and a table. and some walls.

i don't know who this helen keller person is but damn. she is funny.

phone calls with my mother.

"You know Meredith, I could write a blog about you. And, I saw your heart shaped biscuit. You should have gone to Dunkin Donuts and gotten a dozen heart shaped donuts for 4.99. But instead, you went to the Chick."

.......