reasons you know I am super awesome: part 1

[note: thank you emily for inspiring this blog post]

We are currently on Season 16 of the Bachelor. Please note this does not include 8 seasons of the bachelorette. Every season of the Bachelor (or bachelorette for that matter) promises to be the most dramatic season ever. My heart honestly cannot palpitate anymore than it has for the past 32 seasons of my life. I get really, really into this show and I am.not.ashamed. Despite the fact that I have applied for the show 3 (THREE) times, I once told a boyfriend that if he ever wanted to see me on a Monday night, then he best plan to be at my parents', err roommate's house every Monday to watch the Bachelor(ette) with me. and my mom. and he better not expect to talk to me except during commercial time.

I invented this little thing called a Bachelor Party while I was in college (queue exhibit a):

Ignore the America blanket (for the record, that thing was more fabulous than a "fuck yeah america" shirt. I wonder what happened to it) and let's focus on the cake. The cake with Bob Guinney's face on it. Bachelorette Season 1 contestant and star of the show of Bachelor Season 4. I distinctly remember getting into an argument with the baker at Harris Teeter because she told me she could not put a copyrighted image on a cake. Yes my friends, I yelled at the bakery lady and told her I would take my business elsewhere. Like to the Food Lion down the street. They definitely didn't give a damn about Bob's face. And that cake was awesomesauce, especially his face made of sugar.

I think my friend Alana thought my obsession had gotten a little out of control when, upon arriving in Vail, I demanded to go to the firehouse to see Ryan. Ryan Sutter, friend of the aforementioned Bob and winner of not only the first season of the Bachelorette, but also Trista Rehn's heart (Trista, by the way, was the loser of the first season of the Bachelor). Queue Exhibit B:

I had no problem knocking on the door of that fire station and asking if Ryan was there (and if I could slide down the pole, but that's neither here nor there). This cat said no, he was on leave until the wedding aired on tv, but I could have my picture made with his hat if I wanted. Did I want to? You bet I did. And so I did.

When I moved to FL, I introduced my FL girls to Bachelor Parties. Every Monday, Tracie would cook for us and we would watch the Bach. Every Monday we would talk about the girls (or the guys), how inappropes they were, and who should pick who. And don't even get me started on the Bachelor Pads. Or Steve of www.realitysteve.com fame. He's a real tool and yes I know for a fact that he is. How do I know? Because we have had some terse email conversations about the show. And no, I have never met the man.

I think it's fair to say that the Bachelor(ette) is my thing. I'm a little into it. I've spent a lot of my Mondays watching it. but let's be honest. when was the last time YOU looked away from a train wreck?