rapture weekend at a glance

in order to keep myself busy whilst awaiting being raptured (not to be confused with being ravished. because that rarely happens) the following things occurred in my life:

1. an excessive amount of amy grant songs were downloaded
2. I demonstrated how to bake a cake at what I'm pretty sure was a gay bar.
2. i was officially taught how to dougie and am prepared to be the next M-Bone. as a matter of fact, please stop referring to me as Merdeezy and only refer to me as M-Bone from here on out.
3. I perfected my stanky leg. I did not know I was supposed to put my finger below my nose like I smelled something bad. Now, I need you to watch the video and be prepared to DIE. All I know is, forget the tootsie roll. All that matters anymore is the stanky leg. Only one leg though. Believe it or not, my swagger still needs some work.
4. I ate a giant polish Sausage slathered in pimento cheese. and it was the most amazing pseudo last meal I've ever had (and I've had a lot of pseudo last meals).
5. I think it in important to note that while I was learning to Dougie, I did not have drink for my fallen homie. I don't think he would appreciate the fact that I was sipping on elderflower and champagne whilst dougieying. Or boogying. Either one.

Needless to say, I did not get raptured. But you can bet what I learned this weekend will be carried with me into eternity when that day does finally come.