Eli is a stupid

there is just no other way to describe it. my kid sister is a tard.

last night she bought some new shoes at the TJ. The new shoes had a sticker price tag on the sole. Mom said to her "take that sticker off before you go to work." Did she do it? No. No, she did not. On the way to work this morning, somewhere in the middle of the interstate, Eli remembered she had a stick on the sole of one of her new kicks. So, she did what any normal genius person would do (and if you guessed pulling over, or just waiting until she had parked her car to remove the sticker, then you're very wrong). She pulled out her pocket knife and began trying to scrape the sticker off her shoe. While driving her car. Down the interstate. In morning traffic.

I can tell you mom was having a great morning, sitting on her screen porch, drinking her coffee and reading her paper when she got the call.

Mom: hello?
Eli: mom. there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Mom: huh? Why?
(Eli proceeds to tell her aforementioned story).
Mom: well. is there blood on your dress?
Eli: no.
Mom: is there blood all over you?
Eli: no.
Mom: well then I don't know how there could be blood everywhere. but wrap your finger up in a pillowcase and call me when you get to work. I'll meet you at the urgent care if one of the ladies you work with thinks you need stitches.

Mom says she has tried to warn her children of everything (and believe me. if you can be warned about it, then she has warned you about it) but she didn't know she should warn her children not to use pocket knives while driving down the road. I am trying to figure out what kind of brain even THINKS this sounds like a good idea. I'm also trying to figure out why a PILLOWCASE was what my mom first thought of for Eli to wrap her finger in (and why this sounded perfectly normal to Eli to grab a pillowcase from her backseat and make a tourniquet).

At any rate. Eli survived. Somehow, someway, she has managed to graduate college and land a job. And people wonder why the world is the way it is these days. I sure hope pillowcases go on sale soon somewhere.