eff the TSA pat down

so i canceled my massage envy membership and had until 9/9 to use up the extra massages in my account. i went in tonight for a 90 minute massage. here i am, being a stupid, thinking my 90 minutes of heaven is just what i need (isn't that what the game is called?). only, i didn't know i was going to be joined in heaven by creeper mcgee. i'm not entirely convinced he knew what he was doing. as a matter of fact, i'm not entirely convinced he actually even went to massage school. he shook me (which was fitting since the earth moved beneath me today in the great quake of 2011), he paid great attention to my behonkey (which while it needed a massage, i feel it would have been a totally different experience had i been attracted to the dude), and he played this little piggy with my toes for a lot longer than what was appropriate. he may or may not have thought he was a chiropractor since he kept trying to pop my back. and my elbows. and my ankles. the best part of my 90 minutes in heaven? the bear hug. i mean, when was the last time you got bear hugged during your massage? at the end, he gave me his card and said (no lie) "it's hard to get in touch with me so you should probably call in advance."

uhh. ok guy. i'm sure people are just banging down the doors of massage envy trying to get in touch with you.

all i know is eff the TSA pat down. next time i want to get felt up (and bear hugged), i'm going to see my messeuese creeper mcgee. but don't worry - i'll make sure to call in advance.