rip van winkle has awakened.

wow. i've been gone for a long time. i'm sorry i'm not sorry. had a little writer's block, been dealing with some crazy things and been falling in love a bit. but this slim shady is back in the hizzy.

speaking of slim shady, i moved about a month ago, and like any move, it gave me the opportunity to clean out my closet (see what I did there?). It also gave me the opportunity to sell things to strangers on Craigslist. Thank goodness for you, none of them showed up with a massage table and a knife.

I sold a grill (unfortunately not for your teeth) for a lot less than I had anticipated, but since the grill was given to me, and I couldn't take it to my new place, I figured it was a steal for me (and definitely for them). They hauled it away same day as cash and it was at that moment that I realized what a high one can get from wheeling and dealing on Craigslist (I'm sure this is what drug dealers say to justify their own business transactions).

I sold an inflatable Santa for double what I paid - srsly. The next time someone tells you you don't need that inflatable Christmas toy that Wal Mart only has on sale from 10-midnight on Thanksgiving night, don't listen to them and you go on and do your thang. You'll be glad you did when you sell it for retail price to the unsuspecting parents of a toddler who just LOVES inflatable Christmas decorations.

I sold a light up pink flamingo under the same scenario, but this time it was to a grown lady who wanted it because it matched the others she had at her beach house. I regretted that sale as soon as we drove out of the public parking lot we had selected for our meeting, so I really hope I don't rent her beach house one day. Because if I do? That sucker is mine again.

I sold a pair of red ice tubs, a set of skis, a ski helmet, and ski goggles. All separately of course in order to maximize my cash earnings.  I even met a dude in the Best Buy parking lot after dark to do a trade. Hey, being a real slim shady doesn't mean situations don't get shady.

But probably my biggest closet cleaning came after the move, when I just didn't know what to do with all my stuff. Since I was too tired to post things on eBay or Craigslist, I decided to put everything into bins and take it to Eli when we met for a basketball game. It was definitely the end of an era. Or maybe an error. Or several errors. You be the judge.

Eli was gifted many treats, including but not limited to:

 a tall bedazzled Panthers hat that I went to a lot of trouble to steal, err, I mean obtain. It involved an order of four vodka shots and a promise to return the hat. Sorry Charlie but it's been five years and I've still got it. Wait, no I don't. Now Eli does!

 One extra large, extra long lei. a dream come true.

Who doesn't need a birthday cake costume!!!

some light up Kanye glasses.

Amongst other things, she also received some curtains (hope she likes green!), a cute Shabby Chic basket, and an unopened box of glow sticks. Truth be told, if Eli were planning to attend a rave, she'd be set. But really, and it's only been in writing this blog that I have realized how much of a bandit Eli made out like with this treasure trove. And further truth to be told, I probably shouldn't have been so cavalier in my gifting this year.  I may need to make like an Indian and get some of that stuff back. who knows what might happen this weekend.