today has been a real struggle for me. and by today I really mean the past few weeks. It's taken a lot out of me emotionally and I just feel a bit - I don't want to say dead, but it also isn't alive - inside. I've really been searching for the meaning of all of this. A coworker told me that I have to change my perspective and remember that this isn't it. This past Sunday in church, the visiting pastor did a sermon on Daniel. Remember him from the Lion's Den? God had placed him somewhere that would have been really easy for him to be misguided, unfocused on the bigger picture, but most of all, unhappy. Daniel had every right to be unhappy - he even had his balls cut off (whoever said you don't study the Bible in church anymore was wrong dammit!) yet he remained optimistic, faithful and respectful of others throughout his trials. The pastor then reminded us that if we are saved, we win in the end. And that's really all we need to stay focused on when life gets rough. I hate going to church and being forced to reconcile the sermon against my own life. Because I have not remained optimistic. I have not remained faithful and I certainly haven't remained respectful. I mean hello...I may or may not have gotten a talking to about my attitude and how it needs an adjustment.
(which of course reminds me of an ex who had a friend in high school named Brad who became a professional wrestler. His stage name? Brad Attitude. His signature move? The Attitude Adjustment.)
Today, I came upon this image on the interwebs.
The God who sees me. In the past few months, even though I've been going to church and trying, albeit failing more often than not, to stay in the word on a consistent basis, I think I have forgotten that He sees me. When I feel invisible, He sees me. When I feel unlovable, He loves me. When I feel like I don't deserve another chance, He covers me with His grace.
What a beautiful reminder today. How can my perspective not be forced to shift - even if it is just the slightest bit - at this?
El Roi. The God who sees me. The God who hears me. The God who loves me.