Monday, January 27, 2014

you told me you killed the cook. so i facebooked your dad.

the other day, i was gchatting with my friend Brooke and she asked me how i avoided showing Bill my crazy early on. Avoided? I pondered this word for a moment because I am fairly certain Bill saw my crazy almost immediately into our courtship. No, I'm not talking about the time he helped me move and I sat in the car, crying hysterically on the phone to my mom about what a jerk my brother was being while eating pizza and my brother stood in the tree house laughing at me and calling me crazy and Bill just stood there trying to figure out how he had ended up in this place. no, I'm talking about the time Bill told me he was going to kill the cook at work, and then I ended up looking like a crazy b.

one day - 2 weeks into our relationship to be exact - bill's wallet got stolen at work. he txted me about it when he noticed it was gone, and then txted me an update around 11a that he had found his wallet, the cook had stolen it, and he was going to kill the cook. I didn't think much of it because it was early on in the day and surely he wasn't really going to kill the cook! except the day came and went and i didn't hear anything else from him. Not wanting to freak out, or over react, I sent him a few "are you ok?" txts and tried not to worry. My friend Karoline was coming over for dinner that night so I decided I had plenty to focus on. Except then dinner came and went (we had early dinner so she could go see her now husband) and I didn't hear from Bill. So, I txted my friend Allison and asked her for her thoughts. I told her he had threatened to kill the cook and how I just knew since I hadn't heard from him that he was in jail because he had, in fact, killed the cook and was sitting in jail, charged with murder.

"Have you driven up to Chick Fil A to see if his car is there?" she asked.
"no. Because what if there is crime scene tape every where and then I get questioned by police."
"Do you know where he lives? You could drive by his house and see if his car is there." she suggested.
"I don't know where he lives. He always comes to my house."
"Do you know his parents? You could check in with one of them to see if they have heard from him."
"I don't know his parents...(keep in mind it's only been 3 weeks) but I found his dad on facebook and was thinking about messaging him. Think I should do that?"

Absolutely she replied. Find out if he's heard from him. (I love it when my friends think like me)

So I did. It went something like this:

Hi Mr. Monday! We haven't met, but I have been dating Bill for a few weeks and today he had an incident at work where the cook stole his wallet. He txted me that he was going to kill the cook but that was around 11 this morning, and I Haven't heard anything else from him. If you hear from him, could you let him know I'm getting worried? Thanks, and I look forward to meeting you soon!

And of course, AS SOON as I sent that facebook message, I got an explanatory call from Bill that he had gotten off work and fallen asleep. "So you didn't kill the cook?" I asked. "What? No way I didn't kill the cook. Are you serious?" he replied.


As soon as Bill stopped laughing long enough, he clarified that he had heard me correctly and that I had actually sent his dad a facebook message. Luckily his dad is like my mom in that his passwords for social media are all the same. So he was able to quickly hack into his dad's facebook account and delete the message, thereby allowing me to avoid looking like a total crazy b.

except unbeknownst to us, his dad has some weird back up thing going on with his computer. So about a month later (thankfully I had met the man by this point), his dad responded with "just got this. don't know how i missed it. i trust you found Bill and everything is going well. See you soon."


and then i had to explain to Bill exactly how my brain worked that it made complete logical sense to me because he had said he was going to kill the cook that he must have actually killed the cook and was sitting in jail being charged with murder and that his dad would have to find out from me this horrible news.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

a little wrinkle (in my tuxedo shirt) ain't no thang

a couple of weeks ago, my great uncle wally was posthumously honored at a gala recognizing the 100 best coaches, administrators and athletes in north carolina high school athletics. my great aunt isn't in good enough health to travel, so she asked Bill and me to attend in her honor and accept the award. All she had to say was black tie and we were in. we are very fancy after all.

the event was on a saturday night and we had to be there by 6 to get our instructions for the evening. which meant we had to leave by 530 in the afternoon.

i believe some may call this nagging, but for the entire week leading up to the gala, i kept asking bill if he had gone by his dad's house to get his tux, where he had taken it after the last black tie event we had attended together, exactly one year ago from this gala. and for the entire week leading up to the gala, bill kept telling me he would get it "tomorrow night." only every tomorrow night came and went and it was friday night before we knew it. so off he went to get his tux.

only he didn't bring it in from the car. so for the entirety of what was left of the friday night before the gala, i asked him when he planned to bring in his tux. "I will get it later" he said.

my friends, i would like to introduce you to Bill,  the world's greatest procrastinator. you already know me and know that i am in fact not a procrastinator. i am what you would call a planner aheader. i keep 3 different calendars and i study each of them daily. planning ahead makes me feel accomplished. successful. relaxed and purposeful.

procrastination on the other hand makes me feel anxious. it causes me to sweat and to have heartburn. it upsets my blood pressure. and it makes me ugly cry (i say that as if i have a pretty cry).

so here we are suddenly, on saturday - the day of the gala - and i am running errands when i get a txt from my sweet hubby (at 11am no less) that says: "so, my tux needs to go to the dry cleaner." now, because i get things done well in advance of time and am generally in the know, i know that dry cleaners typically close early on saturdays. i know that most dry cleaners don't do same day service if it isn't dropped off to them by 7a. and i also know that we have exactly 6.5 hours before we are to leave the house and my husband has only just now determined his tux needs a fresh dry cleaning.

he promises me he has a solution. he has called multiple dry cleaners and he has found one that will do it in two hours at no additional charge. naturally, i refused to believe him and instead chose to remind him of how i was right and knew this would happen, all because of his refusal to be like me and plan ahead and generally just do things my way.

but i have to hand it to bill on this one. he must have charmed his way into some dry cleaner's heart because he is the only person i know who can get a tux dry cleaned in 2 hours for only $17. Apparently, james bond only ever does 2 hour dry cleaning as well because he doesn't have "time to waste on such trivial matters."

and as bill reminded me in the middle of my panic attack, doing life this way sure makes things a lot more interesting...

a love story (hand rolled, right here, there's nothing cookie cutter about it)

(three cheers and maybe a nugget tray if you can guess where that saying came from)

Just about every morning on the way to work (but usually on the way home from the gym), Meredith would stop by the Chick Fil A near her house and get a drink (and more often than not, a chicken biscuit). And every morning, the cute guy in the window would chit chat with her. But he never asked her name and she never asked his. In fact, the first real conversation they even had was about the state fair. He asked her if she was going, she told him no because she hated the state fair, and that was that.

This went on for a few months. They made small talk about how cold it was for him to stand in the window, how cute her dog in the backseat was, and on the rare occasion she stopped by on her way to work, how well she cleaned up. And then one week, he wasn't there. Concerned, Meredith asked where he was (she knew his name from her many receipts). The girl in the window said he was working afternoons that week and then asked her about her Meredith College ring because she too went to Meredith College. That Friday, Meredith left work early and decided to congratulate herself on finishing up work for the year by getting a cookie from Chick Fil A. And there he was in the window. She asked him where he had been all week; he asked her where she had been all his life. Then he said "I don't even know your name." So they officially met. He told her he had heard she had asked about him and that apparently, she was a good one because she was a Meredith girl and Meredith girls are always catches. She found out he loved NC State, and he found out she hated NC State. He told her that the reason he was always in the window when she came by was because he had told his coworkers that if "the girl in the red car" came through, to tell him so he could serve her. In an effort to not completely blow it already, Meredith offered to bring him an NC State Tervis Tumbler she had lying around her house. She was moving in a couple of months and needed to get rid of it anyway and this was a perfect excuse. They found out they had a mutual Facebook friend. So using that as her tool, and her tervis tumbler as her excuse, she messaged him on Facebook and asked when he would be working again so she could bring the tumbler by. He responded that she was his favorite regular and asked her to dinner. She agreed, as long as it wasn't to Chick Fil A.

They went out the following week to dinner at Fox and Hound at North Hills and the movie Les Mis. Except they had so much fun at dinner that they showed up late to the movie and were forced to sit on the very front row. They laughed the entire movie at things they had discussed at dinner. He asked her for a second date before the night was over, and at the end of the night, he walked her to her car but didn't kiss her. She left wondering what the heck his problem was.

On their second date, he knew she was special. On their third, she knew he was the one. His coworkers gave her the moniker "chicken lady," and after a month, they told people they were going to elope. But that got complicated, so they had a real wedding and are now living happily ever after. duh. 

and we're back. almost a year later.

i see that my last post was from April.

a lot has happened since then. mainly, i got hitched. merdeezy became a monday. and yes, i know. NO ONE likes a monday.

i've been debating whether or not I wanted to bring the blog back.

but at the encouragement of my sweet hubby, and the fact that we have some really fun(ny) times together, well, here we are.

trust me. the last thing i want is for this to become one of those blogs that married people keep to brag about - i mean tell everyone about - their every day ordinary lives.


but, uh, hello. i know myself and that's likely what this will become. except our every day ordinary lives are sprinkled with the good stuff that makes life very interesting. or stressful. whichever you prefer.

guess what post is next? our love story, obvi.