Sunday, October 28, 2012

thought for the day.

One reason we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steven Furtick

Friday, October 26, 2012

cold weather camping trip 2012: jackson hole, wyoming

Friday to Monday of last week I spent with my best friend Jenn in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. She flew in from San Francisco and I from Charlotte. This was a dream weekend. Jenn and I never get to see each other, and when we do, it is never enough time. After trying our hardest to figure out why our rental car wasn't unlocking (newsflash: the car two down from us was unlocking and flashing), we made it to the Four Seasons in Teton Village (note: when you have a best friend like Jenn, and you tell her you want to go camping in Wyoming for your birthdizzy, this is what happens). Upon check in, we were promptly upgraded to a room with a view, a bottle of wine and a plate of Huckleberry pretzels. We turned on the fireplace, opened the wine and of course had to immediately discuss how a few years ago I dated the most popular boy from our high school and he told me he wanted to be my huckleberry and it totally weirded me out. I mean, lezzzbehonest. He was hot, but he was no Val Kilmer.

We spent the entire weekend laying in front of the fire place, spahhhing it up downstairs, drinking copious amounts of wine, eating blue cheese fondue french fries and drinking bitch creek beers. We may or may not have picked up two married men at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar who were in town to elk hunt. These two married men may or may not have almost caused a fight between lesbians at the Virginian (which I do not recommend anyone go to when visiting Jackson Hole, unless you want to get beat up, or stabbed, by a lesbian).

Oh, and let's not forget that we brought it home wild wild west style at Old Time Photos. The dude running the show wasn't creepy. At All. But then again, neither were we as Indians.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

One Year Anniversary

Tomorrow, Oct. 15, 2012 is mine and Barbara's one year anniversary. I can't believe we've only been together for a year! The Vet said it takes about a year for a rescue pup's true personality to come out. If that is the truth, then I am nervous for the next few years because this little b is cray. 

After Pete died, my big brother peer pressured me into getting a dog. I found Barbara online at the Humane Society of Charlotte and after seeing those eyes (pic on the left...the one on the right is the best from her anniversary photo shoot. i die for that necklace), I had to have her. They brought her out, she licked me up the nose, and Barbara has run my life ever since. 6.5lbs of pure insanity and lovebugliness. I often wonder how someone could have passed her by. She was at the pound for 23 days and the average stay in 11. But I know it is because she was waiting on me. No one else would let her get away with shopping in the trash can like I do. No one else would tell her she is beautiful every five minutes. No one else would let her eat pimento cheese out of the bowl. We are a perfect match, my little pound puppy and me.

Happy one year anniversary beautiful Barbara!!! Because of you, I now get why people have dogs. You are so precious to me and there is no way I wouldn't save you a spot on my zombie apocalypse team.

Friday, October 12, 2012

quote of the day.

"Meredith, I like you, and I love you but you are peculiar. You clearly got that from the Robertson side of the family."
      ~my mother.

the friday outfit

it's sort of a commonly known thing around here that I have a hard time gettin' down with coming into work on Fridays. Looking fresh just isn't my thing after getting my booty handed to me all week. It's pretty safe to say that I care even less on a Friday than any other work day. And when I say care less, I mean I wear even less of a face, definitely don't brush my hair, and pretty much wear the same outfit every week.

My outfit is known as the Friday outfit. It consists of jean capris, the same sweet work swag t-shirt, and either trail shoes or boat shoes. Everyone knows about the Friday outfit. Sometimes, if I am having a particularly stressful week, I wear my Friday outfit on a non-Friday. This always seems to cause some confusion because no one can figure out what I will wear when Friday actually rolls around. But if I'm being honest, it's confusing for me too because that is the one day of the week I already have my outfit picked out.

Case in point.
The Friday outfit was all well and good until the weather changed. I hadn't accounted for this. I've been sticking it out until today. I woke up, and after driving to the gym and then turning around immediately and driving back home, I knew it was going to be too cold to wear my capris. Such a shame too because they are freshly washed and hanging on the rack waiting to be worn again. This caused a bit of panic because a) it is Friday b) I am not going to wear a dress on a Fri. c) I am certainly not going to wear real pants on a Friday and d) I loathe jeans. But I just really didn't feel like I had a choice - my friend Chelsea just talked to me last weekend about how I need to get over my jean issues. I pulled out my newest pair of jeans, bought months ago a size too small. But for the price, I had figured I could make them fit. Lucky for me, the size too small actually fits! I didn't even have to do a plie (plee-yay) to get into them. And because they are so fancy, I put on a pair of heels, a bright pink top and some bangles. And I even brushed my hair for good measure. 

And just now, at the microwave (because I am an old man and eat lunch at 11a), one of our execs walked by. He said, and I quote, "What is this? That is not the Friday outfit! You're throwing me off!" I said "well, if you think it's because I have a hot date, you are wrong. It was just because it's too cold for my capris." And then my friend Ronke walked up and said "check you out! I like your jeans." I asked her if they made my booty look good. Her reply made my day. 


And that is when I realized I really could get down with Friday. I got this. You got this.  We all got this.

Monday, October 8, 2012

30 words of wisdom (before i turn 30)

As many of you are quite aware, my 30th birthdizzy is just around the corner. I have been reading up on the things you need to do before you turn 30 and the things you can't do once you turn 30 for quite some time now, and I gotta be honest. I am over it. For awhile there, I believed all the hype. I was the one bemoaning that I couldn't believe I was turning 30 as a single, childless woman. I never saw myself here. And then I realized: why shouldn't I be excited to be turning 30 as a single woman with no kids? I have no restraints! No restrictions. I can continue to do me for a little while longer. And I have embraced this season of my life. I mean, if I am like a fine wine (and that I am), then I am only going to get better with age. If my 30s are supposed to be better than my 20s, then I am in for one helluva a ride. My 20s have been nothing short of fantastic. I've learned a lot about love, a lot about family, and a lot about friends. But mostly, I've learned a lot about who I am.

So, in honor of my 30th birthdizzy that is just around the corner (Nov. 1 for all of you with short term memory loss), I have supplied you with my list of 30 life lessons to abide by before you turn 30. This list was created by my own trial and error and the lessons I have had to learn over and over the past few years.

1. Eat that extra eclair if you want it. What you don't want is to be 85 and wishing you had had that extra eclair.
2. Don't buy a house just to feel and look more responsible. That's a big commitment and can keep you landlocked. Plus, you have the rest of your life to own a home. Someone may remind you that you are throwing away your money every month by renting but what you're not doing is fixing your toilet every time it breaks. You've got a landlord to call for that mess.
3. It's not the end of the world to stay out too late on a school night, go to McDonald's every weekend on your way home from the bar or not wash your face before bed. This may lead to someone thinking the only way you function is because you're a coke head, but it really just may be you soaking up all that life has to offer someone in your shoes.
4. Realize that the words "we need to talk" aren't an effective way to start a business discussion or a personal discussion. And that marking emails as "urgent" just makes people want to hit the delete button.
5. Learn how to ask for a raise in a way that results in you actually getting a raise.
6. Learn to defend yourself and learn that it's ok if defending yourself is something you'd rather not do. Stop apologizing for your choices.
7. Learn to let go of (and move on from) the bad relationship, the negative friendships and the job that didn't turn out to be your dream job after all.
8. Go into debt. I understand not having debt is ideal, but I also understand how great once in a lifetime experiences can be. And really, it's not worth missing out on that trip, that massage or that really great pair of boots. Just don't justify it every weekend.
9. Date around. Get to know different kinds of people, even if that means having dinner with a hippie who lives in a camper out by the lake.  And eat a lot of free dinners.
10. Break your own rules. The rules you made for yourself when you were 22 might not apply to you anymore once you're 28. So break them, and then re-evaluate. And adjust accordingly.
11. Do something spontaneous. You may end up walking the streets of Harlem at 2am, but you're probably a lot safer than your parents think you are.
12. Invest in your company's 401(k). Just because I believe in investing in myself doesn't mean I think it's OK not to save.
13. Learn to appreciate a fine wine and a 5 star restaurant. And then go to the hole in the wall and appreciate it all the same. And if you don't like beer, own it. There are others out there like you.
14. Lighten up. If you stick to a plan and don't enjoy what you've got right in front of you, you're going to miss out on a lot.
15. Realize that you probably aren't needy, you're probably just a person with emotional needs.
16. Find a workout that you enjoy. In theory, running a marathon sounds so badass. Unless you really just hate running. So if you're going to spend time working out, you might as well enjoy it.
17. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. No one else is you and you don't need to feel any pressure to be somewhere other than right where you are.
18. Deactivate Facebook for awhile. I promise you'll still be popular when you return but I also promise that the peace of mind you'll experience during your "deactivation phase" will be enough to make you question returning to Facebook at all.
19. Learn to cook. I fully believe everyone should be able to put together a quick meal based off the ingredients in their kitchen.
20. Stop saying you're going to do something and just do it. If you want to lose weight, change your habits. If you want to learn a new sport or hobby, sign up for it. If you want to go back to school, they accept students every spring and every fall. Just stop saying you're going to do something that you really don't intend to ever actually do.
21. Learn to lay. Even if it is grammatically incorrect.
22. Learn the difference between your and you're and their, there and they're. And use those differences.
23. Embrace your Bieber fever or your fascination with Miley Cyrus. Realize that you may actually be more immature as you get older, and that's not always a bad thing. You're really not weird.
24. Go to church. There's one for everybody out there.
25. Understand that you may  not have it all figured out and you're not a loser if you're having a harder time figuring it out than your friends.
26. Go to therapy. Even if you don't think you have issues, you probably do. And therapy is a wonderful gift.
27. Vote. I know you don't think your vote really matters but what does matter is that if you're American, you have a right that a lot of people in this world literally die over. And you should exercise that right.
28. Stop making excuses and blaming your circumstances or other people. Learn to own up to your mistakes and learn to apologize.
29. Find out what really makes you happy and what you like and don't like. You really don't have to eat sushi just because it's trendy or pretend like you think skinny jeans on dudes look good.
30. Be patient. Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop wishing this time away. Things will eventually go your way and you'll eventually get your break.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

thought for the day.

today i have had nothing to eat but leftover pizza and hot dogs.


my name is meredith and i am a 14 year old boy.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

nightmare at the tee tiny tree house

truth thursday.

this morning, i was on a conference call with several people, one of whom I used to date. When I say used to date, I really mean my friends hated him so much they had an intervention. They sat me down and told me if I continued to date him, they wouldn't be able to be my friend anymore. That's how large of a tool this dude was.

Over the years, we've exchanged a few pleasantries. Nothing big. It's actually sort of become a joke that I was so enamored with this guy. A few weeks ago, his manager and I were out at an event together and he told me my ex was not only married now, but also had a baby on the way. He said I should congratulate him since no one, especially me, ever thought he would get to this point in life. I said I would the next time I was on a call with him. I mean, the last thing I need is for this guy to think I'm still pining over him all these years later and have taken to stalking him just to get my fix. Because let's be honest: I don't need no fix.

Today, I congratulated him. It went a little like this:

me: hey, congratulations on the baby!
him: uhh, thanks.
me: that's so exciting. when is it coming?
him: not really sure.
me: oh. well when is your wife due?
him: again, not really sure.

NOT REALLY SURE WHEN YOUR WIFE IS DUE? When I say an awkward silence fell over the call, what I really mean is no one made a sound and we all sat there for a full three minutes in total and complete silence until the last member of the call dialed in and broke the ice. I am fully aware that he could not be sure because there are so many things that can happen with a baby. However, I will say that he probably decided he wasn't sure because he thinks I am stalking him. How else would I know that there was a baby on the way, let alone that he had a wife?

Clearly, it has nothing to do with his manager and is all because I am Harriet the Spy.

Monday, October 1, 2012

last (thursday) night

I'm thinking about selling my Thursday and Friday night experiences to Katy Perry for the follow up to her song "Last Friday Night." Why do you ask? Well. Let me 'splain.

You may remember when my sales rep, Bill, called my mom approximately 47 times and then tried to blame it on me. Well, he came to town this past week for business meetings and we met up. At first, it was only going to be for dinner because he had to meet up with his group at a local comedy club. That worked out well for me because I was planning to stop by a local dive bar to hear a friend of a friend strum his guitar. But before I knew it, it was Friday morning and our night had gone a little like this.

1. After dinner at Buku, we began our trek to the comedy club. Charlie Goodnight's is on Morgan St., and Morgan St. happens to run downtown. After 8 blocks of walking and no Charlie Goodnight's in sight, we found a cab who drove us the next mile and dropped us at the front door. Because the show was in progress, we made ourselves comfortable at the bar downstairs.
2. Little did we know that Ricky Bobby was also comfortable at the bar.
3. I will the you that there was no way  the bartender was comfortable at her bar. Lezzzbehonest. Would you be comfortable with Ricky Bobby telling you that your eyebrows were so beautiful, he couldn't stop staring at them?
4. I developed the hiccups at the bar.
5. Ricky Bobby told us he was a hypnotherapist but for some reason, when asked if he would hypnotize me to rid me of my hiccups, he was unable to actually perform.
6. We met up with Bill's coworkers. They told us they were headed to the Irish pub, but I wanted to go hear my friend of a friend.
7. Bill and I told them we'd meet later and next thing we knew, a German girl was in the car too.
8. it's a good thing we showed up to hear the friend of a friend because without us, there would have only been 10 people there.
9. the friend of a friend was actually pretty good though.
10. We left the dive bar and headed back towards the hotel so I could drop Bill and the German off.
11. On the way back to the hotel, Bill discovered my homemade Richard Marx cd.
12. We proceeded to have a sing along of Endless Summer Nights on repeat.
13. I'm not kidding you. We rolled the windows down and sang it three times without pause. 
14. The German girl asked on more than one occasion if this was really happening to her.
15. At the hotel, they convinced me to come inside while they had one more drink.
16. We ended up discussing politics. Clearly Bill and I were on opposite political sides than the German, but she was quite receptive to our conservative view points.
17. She said if she weren't a socialist, then she'd be a Republican.
18. I thought that was nice of her.

Then the next thing I knew, it was Friday evening and Bill had convinced me to meet him out at the local watering hole near my house - Edwards Mill Bar & Grill. he wasn't flying out till Saturday am and wanted to watch football. Since he twisted my arm so much, and it clearly was either cry uncle or meet him out, I told him I'd meet him after the gym. (I don't think he really believed me that I would come right from the gym in my gym clothes. Boy was he surprised). We ordered a giant plate of nachos, which I proceeded to house and then decided to pop over to Rudinos to see if they had any live music. They did not but what they did have suited us just fine: big screen tvs and liquor for him and a chair and a glass of wine for me.

Somewhere over the course of the night, we thought it would be hilarious to txt and/or facebook some of the other reps in his office and tell them we were in love and eloping. We txted one rep and told him we were at the airport about to board a flight for Vegas. In order to further our proof that we were eloping, I agreed to change my name on facebook. How the hell was I supposed to know it would take 48 hours to change it back to my real name??

I woke up the next morning to txts and emails asking why I had eloped and not told anyone. Number one, I didn't really elope! And number b, isn't that the point of eloping? You don't tell anyone? At any rate, everyone was freaking out. Everyone except the people the joke was meant for that is. Bill said his girlfriend was going to love seeing he had gotten married when he came to Raleigh for work. I eventually had to put up a disclaimer on facebook that the news of my elopement was false and that because of facebook rules, I couldn't change my name back for 48 hours (againt - how was I supposed to know!). Unfortunately, some of my parents' friends had seen my updated name and on Sunday had congratulated them during church. When I asked my mom how they responded, she just said "well meredith, we said to them...'how do you explain stupid?'"

and there you have it folks. Sales training 101.