Tuesday, April 9, 2013

old lady babs

So barbara had an interesting day yesterday. The neighbor lady who - mind you - pushes her sweet little fat dog around in a baby carriage told me Barbara was a unique looking dog. And I'm pretty sure unique did not equal beautiful in this case. And then she had to go to the vet for her annual checkup. Last time she went to the vet, the visiting doctor said to me "i would love it if she could gain weight. Of course, she may be that little bitch who can eat a cheeseburger and never gain an ounce." Well, it looks like Babs has gotten a bit hefty. She weighed in at a whopping 6.8lbs. So not only are all the biscuits I've been eating making me gain weight, they are affecting her adversely too. And stop it - you know you feed your dog biscuits every weekend too. or every day. but either way, i know i'm not the only one. I asked the doctor how old she thought Barbara was. She said anywhere between 3 and 5 years based on the amount of tarter build up she had on her teeth. She then said she would estimate Babs to be about 40 human years old.

dirty teeth, fat, and over the hill.

poor sweet child of mine.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

words for your wednesday

today has been a real struggle for me. and by today I really mean the past few weeks. It's taken a lot out of me emotionally and I just feel a bit - I don't want to say dead, but it also isn't alive - inside. I've really been searching for the meaning of all of this. A coworker told me that I have to change my perspective and remember that this isn't it. This past Sunday in church, the visiting pastor did a sermon on Daniel. Remember him from the Lion's Den? God had placed him somewhere that would have been really easy for him to be misguided, unfocused on the bigger picture, but most of all, unhappy. Daniel had every right to be unhappy - he even had his balls cut off (whoever said you don't study the Bible in church anymore was wrong dammit!) yet he remained optimistic, faithful and respectful of others throughout his trials. The pastor then reminded us that if we are saved, we win in the end. And that's really all we need to stay focused on when life gets rough. I hate going to church and being forced to reconcile the sermon against my own life. Because I have not remained optimistic. I have not remained faithful and I certainly haven't remained respectful. I mean hello...I may or may not have gotten a talking to about my attitude and how it needs an adjustment.

(which of course reminds me of an ex who had a friend in high school named Brad who became a professional wrestler. His stage name? Brad Attitude. His signature move? The Attitude Adjustment.)

Today, I came upon this image on the interwebs.

The God who sees me. In the past few months, even though I've been going to church and trying, albeit failing more often than not, to stay in the word on a consistent basis, I think I have forgotten that He sees me. When I feel invisible, He sees me. When I feel unlovable, He loves me. When I feel like I don't deserve another chance, He covers me with His grace.

What a beautiful reminder today. How can my perspective not be forced to shift - even if it is just the slightest bit - at this?

El Roi. The God who sees me. The God who hears me. The God who loves me.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

rip van winkle has awakened.

wow. i've been gone for a long time. i'm sorry i'm not sorry. had a little writer's block, been dealing with some crazy things and been falling in love a bit. but this slim shady is back in the hizzy.

speaking of slim shady, i moved about a month ago, and like any move, it gave me the opportunity to clean out my closet (see what I did there?). It also gave me the opportunity to sell things to strangers on Craigslist. Thank goodness for you, none of them showed up with a massage table and a knife.

I sold a grill (unfortunately not for your teeth) for a lot less than I had anticipated, but since the grill was given to me, and I couldn't take it to my new place, I figured it was a steal for me (and definitely for them). They hauled it away same day as cash and it was at that moment that I realized what a high one can get from wheeling and dealing on Craigslist (I'm sure this is what drug dealers say to justify their own business transactions).

I sold an inflatable Santa for double what I paid - srsly. The next time someone tells you you don't need that inflatable Christmas toy that Wal Mart only has on sale from 10-midnight on Thanksgiving night, don't listen to them and you go on and do your thang. You'll be glad you did when you sell it for retail price to the unsuspecting parents of a toddler who just LOVES inflatable Christmas decorations.

I sold a light up pink flamingo under the same scenario, but this time it was to a grown lady who wanted it because it matched the others she had at her beach house. I regretted that sale as soon as we drove out of the public parking lot we had selected for our meeting, so I really hope I don't rent her beach house one day. Because if I do? That sucker is mine again.

I sold a pair of red ice tubs, a set of skis, a ski helmet, and ski goggles. All separately of course in order to maximize my cash earnings.  I even met a dude in the Best Buy parking lot after dark to do a trade. Hey, being a real slim shady doesn't mean situations don't get shady.

But probably my biggest closet cleaning came after the move, when I just didn't know what to do with all my stuff. Since I was too tired to post things on eBay or Craigslist, I decided to put everything into bins and take it to Eli when we met for a basketball game. It was definitely the end of an era. Or maybe an error. Or several errors. You be the judge.

Eli was gifted many treats, including but not limited to:

 a tall bedazzled Panthers hat that I went to a lot of trouble to steal, err, I mean obtain. It involved an order of four vodka shots and a promise to return the hat. Sorry Charlie but it's been five years and I've still got it. Wait, no I don't. Now Eli does!

 One extra large, extra long lei. a dream come true.

Who doesn't need a birthday cake costume!!!

some light up Kanye glasses.
Amongst other things, she also received some curtains (hope she likes green!), a cute Shabby Chic basket, and an unopened box of glow sticks. Truth be told, if Eli were planning to attend a rave, she'd be set. But really, and it's only been in writing this blog that I have realized how much of a bandit Eli made out like with this treasure trove. And further truth to be told, I probably shouldn't have been so cavalier in my gifting this year.  I may need to make like an Indian and get some of that stuff back. who knows what might happen this weekend.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Gun Control

If They Come for Your Guns, Do You Have a Responsibility to Fight?

solgunsI feel a tremendous responsibility to write this article though I am a little apprehensive. Thinking about the possibility of rising up against our own government is a frightening thing for many of us. I am not Johnny Rambo and I will be the first to admit that I do not want to die. The reason I feel compelled to write this, however, is simply because I don’t think the average American is equipped with the facts. I feel that a lot of American citizens feel like they have no choice but to surrender their guns if the government comes for them. I blame traditional media sources for this mass brainwash and I carry the responsibility of all small independent bloggers to tell the truth. So my focus today is to lay out your constitutional rights as an American, and let you decide what to do with those rights.
About a month ago I let the “democracy” word slip in a discussion with a fellow blogger. I know better. Americans have been conditioned to use this term. It’s not an accurate term and it never has been a correct term to describe our form of government. The truth is that the United States of America is a constitutional republic. This is similar to a democracy because our representatives are selected by democratic elections, but ultimately our representatives are required to work within the framework of our constitution. In other words, even if 90% of Americans want something that goes against our founding principles, they have no right to call for a violation of constitutional rights.
If you are religious you might choose to think of it this way… Say that members of your congregation decide that mass fornication is a good thing. Do they have the right to change the teachings of your God? The truth is the truth. It doesn’t matter how many people try to stray from it. Did I just compare our founders to God? In a way I did, but please note that I am not trying to insult anyone. For the purpose of the American Government our constitution and founders who wrote it are much like God is to believers. It is the law. It is indisputable.
Our founders did not want a “democracy” for they feared a true democracy was just as dangerous as a monarchy. The founders were highly educated people who were experienced in defending themselves against tyranny. They understood that the constitution could protect the people by limiting the power of anyone to work outside of it much better than a pure system of popularity. A system of checks and balances was set up to help limit corruption of government and also the potential for an “immoral majority” developing within the American People. We have forgotten in this country that we are ultimately ruled by a constitution.
Why is a democracy potentially just as dangerous as a monarchy? Let’s look at something that Benjamin Franklin said because it answers that question more fully and succinctly than I can.
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. -Benjamin Franklin
Even 230+ years ago our founders were perceptive enough to realize that democracy was a dangerous form of government. How so? Because the citizens of a country can become just as corrupt as any government. We have seen evidence of this throughout history. Ask Native Americans and African-Americans if this population can become corrupt.
I think in 2012 we are seeing evidence of what Franklin was trying to tell us. Just because a majority of people may support certain ideas it does not mean that those ideas are just. In simple terms, just because most Americans love our president and voted for him, it does not mean that he has the power to go against our constitutional rights.
Next I’d like to review the text of the second amendment. It is very clear. This is the law of this land. So when Senator Feinstein or President Obama talk about taking your guns, you need to think about something. Are they honoring their sworn oath to uphold the constitution?
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
supremeThis is a pretty clear statement. The fact is that it took 232 years for the Supreme Court to even rule on this amendment because it has never been successfully challenged. In 2008 a case of Columbia v. Heller the Supreme Court ruled that a handgun ban in Washington D.C. was unconstitutional. One also has to take this into consideration. The Supreme Court supports your right to own guns. If you want to research this decision further you can start here.
For those who try to debate the spirit of the 2nd amendment, they are truly no different from people who will try to take Biblical quotes out of context to try to support their immoral decisions. The founders were very clear on the intent of the 2nd amendment. Let me share a few quick quotes here:
The strongest reason for people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -Thomas Jefferson
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the American people’s liberty teeth and keystone under independence … From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurrences, and tendencies prove that to insure peace, security and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable . . . the very atmosphere of firearms everywhere restrains evil interference – they deserve a place of honor with all that is good. -George Washington
The Constitution shall never be construed….to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms. -Samuel Adams
founderspicI could find hundreds of quotes like these. This country was built on the right to bear arms. It was built on the rights of an individual to bear arms, regardless of what his government or neighbor happened to think. This is crystal clear. Ironically the people who voice their opinions against this right have their free speech protected by your guns. Without guns in this country, all other amendments become null and void, simply because “We the People” will lose our power of enforcement.
We need to keep this in mind as our “representatives” try to push gun bans. I don’t care if 99% of people are in support of gun bans (which is far from the case), it is a violation of our constitutional rights, plain and simple.
A constitutional republic protects the rights of the individual even when their ideas are very much  in the minority. If I were the only person in America who believed in the 2nd amendment, I would still be within my rights to call upon it. You would all think I was insane and possibly celebrate if I was gunned down, but in the end I would be the only true American among us.
Our framers were very clear on this. If my government comes to take my guns, they are violating one of my constitutional rights that is covered by the 2nd amendment.
soulonfireIt is not my right, at that point, but my responsibility to respond in the name of liberty. What I am telling you is something that many are trying to soft sell, and many others have tried to avoid putting into print, but I am going to say it. The time for speaking in code is over.
If they come for our guns then it is our constitutional right to put them six feet under. You have the right to kill any representative of this government who tries to tread on your liberty. I am thinking about self-defense and not talking about inciting a revolution. Re-read Jefferson’s quote. He talks about a “last resort.” I am not trying to start a Revolt, I am talking about self-defense. If the day for Revolution comes, when no peaceful options exist, we may have to talk about that as well. None of us wants to think about that, but please understand that a majority can not take away your rights as an American citizen. Only you can choose to give up your rights.
Congress could pass gun ban legislation by a 90%+ margin and it just would not matter. I think some people are very unclear on this. This is the reason we have a Supreme Court, and though I do not doubt that the Supreme Court can also become corrupt, in 2008 they got it right. They supported the constitution. It does not matter what the majority supports because America is not a democracy. A constitutional republic protects the rights of every single citizen, no matter what their “elected servants” say. A majority in America only matters when the constitution is not in play.
I just wrote what every believer in the constitution wants to say, and what every constitutional blogger needs to write. The truth of the matter is that this type of speech is viewed as dangerous and radical or subversive, and it could gain me a world of trouble that I do not want. It is also the truth. To make myself clear I will tell you again. If they come for your guns it is your right to use those guns against them and to kill them. You are protected by our constitution.
Most of the articles I am reading on the subject are trying to give you clues without just coming out and saying it. I understand that because certain things in this country will get you on a list that you don’t want to be on. I may well be on that list. This blog is small and growing so I may not be there yet, but I have dreams. I also have my own list of subversives and anyone who attempts to deny my constitutional rights is on that list.
I am not the “subversive” here, it is the political representatives who are threatening to take away my inalienable rights. If they come to take my guns and I leave a few of them wounded or dead, and I somehow survive, I have zero doubt that I will spend a long time in prison and may face an execution. But I would much rather be a political prisoner than a slave.
If I go down fighting then I was not fighting to harm these human beings. I was simply defending my liberty and yours. It is self-defense and it is what our country was built on. We won our freedom in self-defense. We would not be ruled by a tyrannical government in the 1770′s and we will not be ruled in 2012 by a tyrannical government. There is no difference.
This is a case of right and wrong. As of now the 2nd amendment stands. It has never been repealed. If Feinstein or Barack have a problem with the constitution then they should be removed from office. They are not defending the constitution which they have sworn an oath to protect. It is treasonous to say the least. They would likely say the same about me, but I have the constitution, the founders, and the supreme court on my side. They only have their inflated egos.
I am not writing this to incite people. I am writing this in hopes that somehow I can make a tiny difference. I have no idea how many of my neighbors have the will to defend their constitutional rights. 2%? 20%? I am afraid that 20% is a high number, unfortunately. When push comes to shove many people may give up and submit to being ruled. I believe that our government is banking on this.
What I do know is that this country was founded by people who had balls the size of Texas and Patriotic Americans take shit off of no one, especially our own government. For evidence of that, you might research the Revolutionary War. My question is how many Patriots are left?
I would hope that our officials come to realize that, regardless of our numbers, we still exist because they are calling Patriotic Americans to action. They are making us decide if we want to die free or submit to their rule. I can not tell you where you should stand on that. I do know that it may make the difference between living a life of freedom or slavery.
thinkingYou must start thinking about this because I believe that the day is coming soon and I personally believe it has already been planned. Not all conspiracy theories are hogwash. They may throw down the gauntlet soon and my suggestion is that you prepare yourself to react.
I mean no disrespect to our elected officials but they need to understand that “We the People” will not be disarmed. If they proceed then it is they that are provoking us and we will act accordingly. We are within our rights to do so.
For those who are in support of taking the guns, you need to ask yourself a very important question, and I am not just talking about the politicians, because if you support them, you have chosen your side.
Are you willing to die to take my guns?

IMPORTANT UPDATE From Dean Garrison!!! When this post originally went viral I was trying to answer every single comment and that lasted for almost 48 hours Then I came to grips with the fact that I am human and I can’t do it. If for no other reason I value my family and I can’t steal time from them to constantly be on the site. I want you all to know that I appreciate your support and good debate whether you agree or disagree. I also want to thank each and every American Patriot who has made the honorable choice to serve their country. Anyone who wants to repost this on their blog or website is also given permission to do so, so long as nothing is changed in the text of the article, and a link is provided back to this site. Again, thank you so much. I am humbled. This free wordpress blog has just gone from averaging 300 visitors per day 40,000-50,000 hits per day and I have no idea when things may return to normal. That was caused by the people that cared and not the author. I am just an average American that cares. Every Facebook share, retweet, and email is helping and please continue to support what you believe in. We make no money from this blog. We may someday, but for now it is our choice to offer the truth as we see it for the good of our country and not for anything material. Keep on sharing and let’s make them pay attention to us! No sane American really wants a Civil War. We want peace but we will not back down from a government that chooses to ignore our founding principles. I am forever in your debt and service. -Dean Garrison

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

convos with Eli

Eli: Cam Newton lives in a condo in Uptown Charlotte. I would get hitched to him so fast.
Merdeezy: I used to live in a condo in Uptown Charlotte and no one wanted to marry me.
Eli: yeah well, he lives in a penthouse.

clearly, I was doing it all wrong.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Most Fascinating Peeps - Deezy Style

Barbara Walters has released her most fascinating people of 2012 and once I saw that Honey Boo Boo was on the list (and I was not), I decided I should do my own version of this list (ok, so I may or may not have had a lil inspiration from another blog for this idea but that's neither here nor there). So, in no particular order, here we go.

1. Kanye West. 
Lezzbehonest here for a minute. Not everyone can bang Kim Kardashian - ok, so that's a lie. We all know she really should be called the kim kardashian buffet cause everyone can have some (oh snap) - after showing up with a bottle of Jack at an award show and verbally assaulting sweet T-Swizzle. Yet somehow he managed to clean out Kim's closet (literally), and even worse, somehow I managed to quote him during the election. When people questioned how I could vote Republican, I replied that I didn't believe in women's rights or equality, and that no one should forget George Bush hates black people. But let's not forget the REAL reason Kanye is still one of the absolute most fascinating creatures to ever walk this planet. When asked by Barbara Walters in an interview what he most wanted people to know about him, he responded with "that I'm black." And after such an intelligent statement as that was, you now understand why he repeatedly fascinates me. That and the fact that my 2013 began with the following txt "Kanye knocked Kim K up. Welcome to 2013."

 2. John McAfee
I don't really know where to begin when it comes to this guy but he is nothing short of fascinating. Let me tell you why. He made BILLIONS of dollars, moved to Belize and then when his neighbor showed up dead, he claimed the government was framing him. So he pulled a Sadam Hussein and hid in a hole in his backyard with a box over his head. Not really sure why the police didn't pick the box up. Then he escaped to Guatemala, faked a heart attack and somehow ended up in Miami. After meeting up with his secret friend to pick up a wad of $5 bills, he proceeded to walk down South Beach eating sushi while telling reporters he just wanted to get his girlfriends - note the plural and the fact that one is 21 and one is 17 - back. I'm not a psychic but I think this all makes a lot of sense. 

 3. Antwoine Dodson
He protects his sister, he thinks them fries from chick fil a are da bomb, he has a website called "allthatantoine" and he has an as seen on tv costume made after him - so many in fact that the wig machine broke spitting out wigs. He is a hero and if you need further explanation as to why he is a most fascinating person, then you need to stop reading my blog because you just do not get it. Shame on you. 

 4. Joran Van Der Sloot
I don't know who is more fascinating: this guy for the simple fact that he has killed two girls yet somehow still managed to knock another up while in prison or the baby mama who still wanted to get her a piece of dat.  I can barely find a decent dinner date and this guy is getting dessert! All the more reason prisoners fascinate me. 

 5.  Janelle Evans
North Carolina go on and raise up...Janelle Evans is the pride and joy of our fine state. Not only is she the proud teen mom of Jace, but she just can't get her act together to save her life. She beat up another girl for messing with Kieffa (another star in life), she told her mom Barbara that she just could NOT stop smoking weed, and she proclaimed on national television that she would rather go to jail then miss the Kesha concert, since Kesha is her idol after all. I don't even want to think about what my mom would do if I told her I just couldn't stop smoking the doobies. Oh, and let's not forget that she (Jenelle, not my mother)  is also the owner of the (pretty funny actually) tweeter handle @PBandJenelly_1 where you can find her marriage on the rocks splayed out for all to read. The good news is, she and her new husband are not splitting after all...for now.