Friday, August 31, 2012


Earlier in the summer, I volunteered to write a blog post for one of my church's summer blogging project.

Here it is!

Meredith Robertson on Nahum 1:3

[This post is a part of our 2012 Summer Blogging Project.  Each Friday morning in June-September, we'll be posting a new entry from a WMPC young adult.  Participants have been asked to reflect on a favorite piece of scripture - a passage that has become a "life verse" or that they have come back to again and again.  Each writer will do this in their own way, whether that is to write a theological reflection, share a story from their life, write a poem, or share art of some kind that illumines the passage in some way.  As a community, we are all invited and encouraged to respond to these posts in the comments section.]

Years ago, I stumbled upon a Christian book series for tween girls. It chronicled the life of a perfectly normal teenage girl named Christy as she navigated her way through life, love and huge decisions, all while learning to rely on the Lord.  Besides being completely obsessed with how hopelessly romantic the entire series was, I learned some useful information, such as where to obtain an “I escaped from Alcatraz” shirt (I may or may not own two. Don’t hate). But I also stumbled upon what has become one of my most very favorite pieces of Scripture.

Nahum 1:3 says “…His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.”
I don’t remember exactly in what context Christy referred to this verse, but I am sure she found it while searching the depths of her soul trying to discern what the Lord was trying to teach her through whatever crisis she was facing at the time. (She, like me, faced a lot of crises and was very emotional about them.)

Have you ever looked up the definition for whirlwind? It makes me think of tumble weeds blowing across Texas. Although, I’m sure that image came from the lyrics of a country song since I haven’t actually ever seen a tumble weed in real life.  According to my friends over at, a whirlwind isn’t exactly positive. It’s violent, destructive, a little bit of a dust devil. But I guess this sort of makes sense, since any of the events I would consider whirlwinds in my own life haven’t been all that positive.  Or, they at least haven’t started out that way. If you Google the word whirlwind in the Bible, a lot of references come up. And most of them are used to describe how to Lord presents himself. Sort of like without a whirlwind from the Lord, things can’t be made right. Be made new. Be made whole.

Remember that evangelical preacher Ted Haggard? I heard him speak once a few years back, and he said that sometimes the Lord does what He absolutely has to do to get you out of something in order to make you right again. And when I reflect on the whirlwinds in my own life, those events that really shook me, I see the Lord’s hand. I see all this commotion that seemingly came out of nowhere – just like a whirlwind. But then I see that whenever the whirlwind was over, and the dust had settled, so to speak, it was like a beautiful calmness, a peacefulness that only the Lord could bring.

So that brings me back to this little prophet man named Nahum. Maybe what he was trying to say – what he was prophesizing – is that even though we’re going to have these crazy whirlwinds in our lives, that will test our faith and really stretch us, if we just hang on and just go with whatever it is God is doing (because even faith as small as a mustard seed can believe that surely God is working in us during our worst moments), we’ll see that God was in it all along.  We’ll see that those clouds are the dust of HIS feet. And when all the dust settles, we’ll see that he was actually walking with us the whole time.

Monday, August 27, 2012

F%$! yeah, America!

This weekend was my America party. Disclaimer: it had nothing to do with the 4th of July or the Olympics (seeing as how both are now over...) and honestly, nothing exciting happened, and it was actually kind of lame, but I really enjoyed decorating and going all out, America style. Searching for the perfect outfit was very time consuming, and after realizing that no shop (not even ebay) in America sold American flag rompers, I was at a loss. I mean let's get real for a minute: why doesn't anyone in America sell American flag rompers? I think I've found my calling.

I can tell you this though. My calling was not the be a gymnast. That was proven by the amount of calisthenics it took to get into my velvet American flag leotard. Additionally, I can also tell you that wearing a leotard does not an Olympic gymnast hiney make. I completed my look with some red, white and blue Muay Thai boxing shorts back from when I was a boxer. I argued with the teacher about wearing these shorts and when he insisted, I quit. But I held onto these beauties because I knew they would come in handy somewhere, someday, somehow. And to complete my American look? Some good ole American eye candy:

Happy America everyone!

Lee Robertson, JD

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the latest passee of the North Carolina Bar: Esquire Richard Lee Robertson, Jr, JD.

A few notes: to anyone who he may or may not have threatened to sue (which was everyone that ever crossed him between the ages of birth and now), you may need to watch out! Also, next time I see him, I'm going to slap him. I have spent an entire summer praying that he passed the Bar since he spent the entire summer before July convincing me he was going to fail, and then definitely had failed from the end of the test until now.

Congratulations Lee! All your hard work over the past three years has paid off! I am so proud of you! Now, get to work so you can loan me some money.

really good thought for the day.

Friday, August 24, 2012

hang in there harry

letzzzbehonest. if i were a princess, i'd party nakey too. everyone needs to leave the royal ging alone.


What made our wedding offbeat: We both identify as genderqueer in one way or another, and we go to the Renaissance Faire every year…so this was perfect for us!

gotta be honest. i do wish the poking random strangers feature was still around.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

the story of pocket bobby

when i was in college, my cousin and her friends had a friend named Bobby. He was this little guy from the Virgin Islands and he loved him some of my cousin. She is like 6'1 and he was like 5'2. Behind his back, they used to joke that he was so tiny you could put him in your pocket. Hence the name Pocket Bobby.

Well I found this to be hysterical. Like, poor guy, right? I blabbed to everyone in my family about my cousin's friend Pocket Bobby. Somehow, things got switched around and next thing I know, everyone had started referring to him as Bobby Pocket. Can you even imagine having a last name like Pocket? Nothing sounds good with it. Bobby Pocket. Rocky Pocket. You get my drift. Again, poor guy.

One night I went to a Sister Hazel concert. I didn't know a soul there but lucky for me, Pocket Bobby was there. Even luckier for me was that although he stood right smack in front of me the entire show, my view was never obstructed.

Pocket Bobby showed up everywhere. He was at all the parties, he was at Meredith College dances (still not sure who his date(s) were), he was at bars. All I know is people loved them some Pocket Bobby as much as he loved him some of my cousin.

Then Karoline went to a wedding, in a city halfway across the state. She called me and said "you are never going to believe who the usher was that escorted me down the aisle." I had no idea. I mean, I didn't even know the people whose wedding she was at so how would I know their wedding party.


How Pocket Bobby ended up at a wedding halfway across the state for people no one even knew is beyond me. But I will tell you this. He was like a Visa. But instead of being everywhere you want to be, he was everywhere you already were.

That sounds kind of creepy. Again, poor guy.

the campaign

so, if you know anything about my family, you probably know that we are mainly Republican. In my family, conservative = republican and republican = party. (I say we are mainly republican because this big brother of mine, Lee, has spent a good amount of his time being liberal. I feel the winds of change coming soon though, especially since he doesn't think women should drive. And don't liberals believe in womens' rights?) But anyway. Tonight, my parents' are hosting a republican party. It's been a few years since they hosted a political party and truth be told, i'm really sad to miss it. (Not to mention a boy I make out with from time to time is running for a judgeship and he'll be there without me. I thought about hanging a picture of us on the wall just to make things awkward, but when I spilled the beans of my secret to him, he didn't think that would be appropes or funny. And he'll probably be annoyed I've blogged about him now but we just won't tell him) It's a rally for republican candidates in the Charlotte area. In case any of the neighbors were confused about the theme of the party, please see photo evidence below. (Do they still do Yard of the Month, mom? if so, I am submitting this for consideration!)

it's a good thing their house isn't a polling place, especially since they would probably only allow republicans in to vote, and that would cause the dems to get their pannies all up in a wad about voting unfairness and how crooked the repubs are. And we all know that just simply isn't true. Besides, have you seen Paul Ryan's abs? I think it's safe to say nothing is crooked about him.
At any rate, while my parents have been busy prepping their home for this Republican Party (and a party it will be. Have you ever been to one of their parties?), the Dems have been busy over at Obama Headquarters in Charlotte. Now, I don't live in Charlotte so I can't quite attest to this but I can tell you my mom's facebook status today is:

the Obama people have been lined up all morning outside my office window to pick up credentials for the convention. I can't believe that many people have that much time on their hands. Don't any of them have to work? On second thought, no they don't!
 All I know is, the police had arrived when my mom was leaving the office for lunch. As for me, I heard Milli Vanilli in the car on the way home for lunch. Go Repubs. it's your birthday.  

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

thought for the day.

my horoscope today told me to just give up.

welp. there you have it. not really sure much else can be said.

Friday, August 17, 2012

thought for the day.

you have to demand respect. and if you don't, you'll never get it. but if you don't respect yourself and your values, then you can bet your bottom dollar no one else is going to.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Heidi Montag Update

It's a good thing I have an addictive personality. After scouring hundreds of blogs for "whatever happened to heidi montag" (and not doing my work, son), I am here to give you an update on what really happened to heidi montag.

Long story short, she and Spencer are living with his parents and are totally broke. They eat a lot of tacos and burritos (because they are cheap?) and do a lot of laundry. Spencer has contemplated going back to school but he knows at the end of the day, no one wants to hire Spencer Pratt. Oh, and Heidi Montag doesn't regret anything but if she could change things, she never would have gotten all those surgeries. Her breasts are too big and too fake, but she is too scared to go back under the knife again and have them reduced. Oh, and don't get your ears pinned back, she says.

I think it's safe to say to Heidi Montag: Lesson Learned.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

This morning, one of the Kristins resent to me an email I sent to my girlfriends on Mon, June 28, 2010 and asked me how I was doing with the highlighted items since my 30th was quickly approaching (thanks for the reminder, biotch). Below is the email with my updates on how this quest is going. You can also find a more in detailed list here. Also, after re-reading this list, I think it's fair to say I'm a failure at turning 30. At least I have a few more months.

ladies, please see below. i have highlighted the things i refuse to do when i turn 30. at least for the rest, i have 2.5 years left to grow the eff up.  

30 Things Every Woman Should Quit Doing By 30

Here on The Frisky we’ve talked a lot about things every woman should do — or, at least know how to do — by the time she turns 30, but until now we haven’t focused too much on the no-nos for women after 30. After the jump, 30 things every women should stop doing once she turns 30.
  1. Buying clothes from the junior section.-->
  2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays.
  3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention.
  4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention. --> sad fact. I really don't go to bars anymore. It's too much effort to put on a face, let alone find a boyfriend that I could potentially have a bar makeout with. 
  5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many).
  6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years.
  7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents.
  8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.”--> nope. still happening.
  9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school.
  10. Skipping regular gyno exams.
  11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face.-> nope. still happening.
  12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party.--> If I'm being honest, I haven't had any office parties to attend recently so I can't really attest to this right now. 
  13. Crushing on Justin Bieber.--> truth thursday: I'm not nearly as obsessed. And his tweeter isn't nearly as exciting as I had hoped it would be when I joined tweeter. 
  14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out.--> now that I think about this, I take exception to this. of course I have it all figured out. 
  15. Calling her father “daddy.” --> nope. still happening.
  16. Engaging in sibling rivalry.--> not doing this is not something I can accomplish before I am 30. Have you talked to my brother or sister lately? Besides, Eli has lost like 35lbs on Weight Watchers. She may be younger than me, blonder than me, and taller than me but she will NOT be skinnier than me. But let's be honest: Weight Watchers is killing me.
  17. Trying to get by on her looks.--> I have found myself stocking up on beauty items a lot more lately...
  18. Living paycheck to paycheck.--> I was doing OK at not doing this, which would have made me successful before my 30th birthdizzy. But then I went to Europe for 2 weeks...
  19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her.--> still waiting. not really sure why it hasn't happened yet. all i know is - that better be some REALLY shiny armor when he does get here. sheesh. 
  20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job.
  21. Using MySpace to pick up guys. (or, in my case, facebook)--> let me tell you about how just the other day i commented on a picture of my friend Beth's boyfriend AJ and his friends. The comment may or may not have been inquiring about one of the specimens in the pic.Turns out he's married. The comment "easy Merdeezy" may have been made, especially considering the one in question is the husband of AJ's boss. Personally, I think I deserve an A for effort. If you can't meet em on the book, where can you meet em? 
  22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing.-->this might have something to do with why i'm still waiting on a knight in shining armor to swoop in and save me. 
  23. Wishing she had someone else’s life.
  24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday ...--> the fact that my birthdizzy isn't for another three months and i've already sent out multiple emails involving multiple parties means nothing.
  25. ... or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her.
  26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale.
  27. Being cheap.-->can someone tell me how I'm supposed to quit being cheap if I am still living paycheck to paycheck? 
  28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first (especially in this economy!).
  29. Blaming her mother for all her issues.
  30. Romanticizing her 20s.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Wednesday Thoughts.

You are Peter. God already knows that you will make a mess, but His plan for you is great. Go. Feed his sheep. ~Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie

Silya Mulehya, my sponsored child through World Vision, who was chosen for me after Heavenlight, my first sponsored child moved out of the program. Through reading Katie's book, her blog, and from the sermons at the new church I've been attending recently, I'm beginning to wonder if monthly sponsorship and the occasional gift is enough. Am I really feeding His sheep? Am I really helping the least of these? Am I being faithful enough? How am I so abundantly blessed yet have trouble at times finding joy?

There is so much more that could - no, needs to be done. 

Monday, August 6, 2012

jabroni = the rock?

i had a date this weekend, which if you know anything about me, this is big news. After dinner we met up with some friends for some drinks and dancing. and one of the friends of a friend called my date a jabroni. we laughed real good (because let's be honest. who ACTUALLY calls someone a jabroni?) And then it occurred to us that this may not actually be a very flattering comment. I decided to put my iphone to use and google the definition of jabroni right there in the bar. i learned that a jabroni is:

1. a loser, poser, lame-ass
2. Italian profanity for asshole
3. a put down used by the kick ass wrestler The Rock (so that explains all the rock pics on google)
4. one whose shit is most definitely weak
5. a wrestler with no shtick, no costume, and a lame name like "john evans", going up against a real wrestler lkie "hulk hogan" or "the rock". a jabroni may get in a couple good moves, may even get into a 'near-pin' situation, but will ultimately lose. why? he's a fuckin' jabroni! 

This made us laugh even harder. Have you ever been called a jabroni? Have you ever googled jabroni and then looked at the pics? Because other than pics of the Rock, I am glad to inform you that my date looked nothing like any of the following jabronis.

my little yentas

a couple of weekends ago, I agreed to babysit Glenda for my kid sister while she paraded around the beach like a carefree teenager with no responsibilities. Little did I know what I was in for. I was telling a coworker that I would be babysitting Glenda and Barbara and I would be going to pick her up in Greensboro that afternoon (that's the kind of babysitter I am...I come to you). My coworker said "they sound like two jewish women." I said "well, they both have beards too so I guess they kind of look like two jewish women!" that was about as funny as the babysitting experience got.

Glenda is very sweet. She loves to lay. Barbara is very sweet. She does not love to lay. Barbara loves toys. Glenda loves toys only when they are in Barbara's mouth. The constant bickering and yapping these two did was enough to make my head swim. Not to mention I was already feeling sorry for myself. A word to the wise: don't babysit two dogs on a weekend when you already feel sorry for yourself. You'll be wanting to slit your wrists in no time. Glenda was on edge because she didn't know the lay of the land. Barbara was on edge because she was convinced Glenda would steal her fabrics the minute she turned her head. Glenda barked at every noise she heard. Barbara barked because she had to be in charge. I finally decided I had had enough, and off to their crates they went for nap time. I figured since they do this at doggy day camp, there was no reason they couldn't do this at the babysitter's house. As they lay in their crates and I surveyed the mess that was my house, I realized:

i was running a doggy day camp. 

there are a lot of things I want to do with my life. So many in fact that I have trouble just picking one. But I will tell you that this experience confirmed one thing I did know:  opening a doggy day camp has never been on my list of things I want to do with my life and it will never be on my list for as long as I live.