30th birthdizzy: new york style

today is my mama's birthday, so i figured what better day than today to continue my own birthday blogging.

Back in November, mom and I joined other Meredith College alums (some of whom may or may not have worn Sketchers Tone Ups the entire weekend but I gotta be honest - you know their hineymo looked better than mine after all the walking we did) for a weekend in the Big Apple. Now, I love NYC. I love it the same way I love wine. I love it like I love a bad boyfriend and every time I go back, I fall in love again. And then spend the next week wishing and hoping and praying I could move there. I was so excited to show mom MY new york...in between pre-planned Meredith College activities of course.

On Friday, after stalking the Five Guys workers and ordering us both a cheeseburger at 530a and arriving in the City at 8a, I learned that I am apparently a food tour snob because I was not impressed with the food on foot tour we did (although the shrimp wontons at Go Sushi in Hell's Kitchen were off da chain). We saw Matthew Broderick in "Nice Work If You Can Get It." It was laugh out loud funny but I will say that Matthew Broderick is really just one grown up Ferris Beuhler and I hope he hangs on to SJP for dear life.


On Saturday, Mom and I opted out of the Sept. 11 memorial (I know, I know but honestly, I didn't want to be sad on my trip) and instead stood in line to get half priced tickets to any matinee available. I had planned to take her to my fave cuban restaurant IN THE WHOLE WORLD but we couldn't do that and a matinee, so we ended up scarfing down some craposuine in Times Square to kill time before our show. We saw Mamma Mia and oh my goodness was it awesome! We laughed, we cried and we marveled at how the lead was really the understudy. I mean, how good was the lead if this lady was only the understudy?! We got a real kick out of the Abba concert at the end. I'm currently shopping for a costume for Halloween now. That night, I introduced her to Tao. We were both secretly hoping to see some famous people, but we also are not dumb. We knew no one of any real importance would be there during out 630p reservations (other than us of course). Mom put on a good show, but I'm not sure she'll be returning to Tao anytime soon. I tell you who will be returning though and that person is me. I mean hello. Look at this fortune cookie! It was filled with different mousses and although the fortunes themselves were lame, the mousses (mousses? meece?) were not.

Sunday, we got up for our Rockette's Christmas Music Spectacular experience. Now, both mom and I have seen the Rockettes but seeing them at Radio City Music Hall is a totally different experience. And seeing them in 3D? Even more awesomesauce. I've always wanted to be a Rockette and the simple truth of why I was not a Rockette occurred to me while visiting the 1930s facilities in the basement: it was all my parents' fault. I mean, if they hadn't let me quit ballet when I was 6, then I am quite certain I would have gone on to become a Rockette. Shame on them.

However, I have been keeping a secret this whole blog post. The highlight of our trip was seeing the Naked Cowboy on Saturday while milling around Times Square (this guy was way more exciting than the protest outside the Nicarauguan embassy. Shocker, I know). Mom had said she hoped we saw the Naked Cowboy and I gotta say, I was pretty impressed with her thought process. She's more proper than I am and seeing the Naked Cowboy had never even occurred to me. On Friday, the black Naked Cowboy jumped out in front of our tour bus outside of the theater, and while his little jig was creative, he was obviously NOT the Naked Cowboy. We saw him Saturday and when we did, we both yelped and leaped and she will tell you I am exaggerating, but my mother's arthritic knees all of a sudden were healed as we made our way to the front of the crowd. Much to my disappointment, she wouldn't go near him but she did become quite the photographer as I got close, put money in his guitar and rubbed his tight little booty.

And in true Debbie fashion, mom told me I better not touch her again until I had washed my hands. "You don't know where his hiney has been after all." You do have a point mom, you do have a point.

stranger snuggling

i learned recently (ok, so I was told...so it may or may not be true because it's not like I have snoped this shiz) that in the 1800's, you could rent half a bed. You know...you may not be able to afford the whole bed but you might be able to afford half and they would couple you with another half to make a whole...not like that people.

this made me laugh.

can you imagine if you rented HALF A BED and got paired with a stranger, and that stranger wanted to snuggle?

but you know what was worse than that thought?

i realized I would be the stranger wanting to snuggle.

deezy don't like one side of the bed. or only half the covers.

the not a hippie cabbie

In an attempt to be awesome, Emily has supplied me with some additional info on our camo-clad cabbie from Asheville (you know. the one who hates that shit). These are some quotes (that she apparently saved in her phone for this very purpose) from our ride downtown.

One of us: Is this restaurant good?
Camo Clad Cabbie: I never had anyone get in this cab and say it sucked

One of us: Is this a cash cab?
Camo Clad Cabbie:  The only cash flowing in this cab is the cash you give to me

One of us:  Are you worried we're going to mess up your cab?
Camo Clad Cabbie:  Do you see my $300 floor mats?

30th Birthdizzy: Victorian Style

The only thing Victorian about my 30th birthdizzy shenanigans was the fact that we were at the Biltmore Estate. And the Vanderbilts were Victorian, back when they were alive during the Victorian age. I probably should have been a Victorian, at least that's what I tell myself when people don't understand my reference to my dance card. But then again, I wouldn't have enjoyed those high collared, corset dresses. I would have, however, enjoyed the shower in the gym at the Biltmore, that is for sure. So anyway, in order to celebrate, three of my best girls and I headed to Asheville for a day of gallivanting and a night of luxury at the Inn on Biltmore. I had found an awesome deal online that included passes to the house and breakfast for all and, much to our surprise,  it did not include cutting off our arms.

Saturday morning, Emily and I headed to Asheville where we met up with Natalie at the Inn. Since Eli couldn't join us until later that night, we decided to go eat at the Bistro. It's pretty smart on the Biltmore's part to provide its guests with a free shuttle from the Inn to anywhere on the property, because I don't know if you're aware, but there is an award winning winery on site. And hello. What birthday girl doesn't love a winery. After several glasses of wine to accompany our meals, we realized we had somehow missed the window of time to see the house. So we opted to just go to the winery. Where we proceeded to spend approximately the next 3 hours. Here's the thing about the winery there. Ok a few things worth noting: 1. it's free. 2. they recommend 7-8 wines BUT there really is no limit. 3. pretty much all of their wines are on the tasting menu. 4. you can do repeat tastes  5. YOU CAN STAY ALL DAY.

Q: Guess who was not in heaven?
A: I do not know the answer to that because they were not with us.

After that event, it was time to prepare for dinner. Eli was going to meet us at the Inn around 730, so naturally we killed time at the Inn's bar.

After Eli got there, we took a van cab into downtown Asheville for dinner at a fancy little number. Fun fact: our cabbie was named Jeff (I think) and he was not a hippie and when asked if he was a hippie, he told us he hated "that shit." He was also wearing camo from head to toe. After dinner, our friend Brock (who IS a hippie) took us to experience some of the local scene before we called it a night around midnight. Hey, don't hate. When you go to a winery all day, you have no desire to stay out all night with the cool kids.

Sunday morning we enjoyed a delicious breakfast at the Inn and then my friends were able to take part in the following activities with their fave birthdizzy girl:

a) photo op in front of the house

b) another photo op inside the house (clearly they had won the meredith lottery this day)

 3) Natalie got to hear why it was clearly colonel mustard, with the candle stick, in the conservatory (if you don't get that, then you have nothing in common with me)













4) Emily got to sit amongst the wildflowers with me

5) Eli got to take a picture with me in front of the larget poinsetta tree I have ever seen. We sent this picture to mom because we knew she would love seeing Eli acting normal.














6) and then we topped off the morning with a nice tree climb because you KNOW that is what victorian children did. and then they probably took showers in that awesome basement shower, but that's neither here nor there. dammit.

On prisoners

I told dad I joined the prison ministry at my church. After freaking out on me about how the prisoners would either attack me or come find me when they get out (but they definitely would not act normal), I told him that the Bible told us to serve the least of these. "Right Meredith so that is the homeless. It doesn't say serve the meanest of these! You are such a dodo."

when flowers are creepy.

the day i turned 30, i sent a txt message to the guy i had been seeing (who I thought I had ended things with a few days before but clearly I thought wrong) and told him things had just gotten too complicated and we just needed to go our separate ways. He responded with "are you serious?"  Now I had to pause for a minute. It was my birthday. Who wants to be single on their birthday? Since I was the one doing the dumping, and while I will admit that I think punk'd is hilarious, I would never be creative enough to punk someone else, I think it was safe to say that I was serious. So I said "yes." He wrote back "I guess you don't want the rose I had gotten to leave on your doorstep then, huh?" Again, I had to pause. Now granted, I had told him I thought he didn't make me a priority (6 dates in two months is not a sign of proper prioritization). I had told him I thought he wasn't very sweet (and generally speaking, flowers are sweet). And let's not even talk about the txt message I accidentally sent him that was meant for my friend Allison that said "exclusive is no longer an option until he gets his act together. I have plans with John for Sunday."  Whoops. So yes, I would say I didn't need - or want really - the rose he had gotten me to leave on my doorstep.

And then I got home and per the picture below,  found a single, solitary rose laying in my door.

And this my friends is when flowers go from sweet to creepy. There was no note attached to it. How was I supposed to know who it was from? Even though this cat had told me he had gotten me a rose (just one!) to leave in my doorstep, and this one was in my doorstep, I decided since I didn't really know who it was from, I shouldn't say thanks. Just in case it wasn't from him. Just.in.case.

Besides, where were the other 11? Was he going to jump out of the bushes with the rest of them and sing me happy birthday? If he had, that might have made it slightly less creepy to stumble upon a single, solitary rose with no owner laid upon my doorstep at 10p at night.

Merry Christmas (I'm on top of things this year)

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Jersey Boys

I know what you're thinking. Who is this chick that is blogging about the Four Seasons AGAIN? Well, it's me. But this time I am blogging about the band The Four Seasons. Y'all. I saw Jersey Boys last night and holy crap, it was incredible. I should probably start by saying that I didn't know who The Four Seasons even were. I had heard of Jersey Boys and everyone talked about how awesome the show was, but I didn't really know what it was about. But I got so involved. I may have fallen in love with Bobby Guadio. I may have cheered at the end. And I may have already googled Frankie Valli's tour dates so I can go see him live.

But, I'd like to congratulate myself. You see, before this show, I thought I didn't know who The Four Seasons were. But it turns out that I did. I just didn't realize that "oh what a night" wasn't an original Wyclef Jean song or that that bitch Lauryn Hill wasn't creative enough to come up with "Can't Take My Eyes off of You" on her own. And did you know that "Stay" isn't just another reason to love Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. But, let's be honest. Do we really need another reason to love those swively hips anyway? 

thought for the day.

“One reason we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steven Furtick

cold weather camping trip 2012: jackson hole, wyoming

Friday to Monday of last week I spent with my best friend Jenn in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. She flew in from San Francisco and I from Charlotte. This was a dream weekend. Jenn and I never get to see each other, and when we do, it is never enough time. After trying our hardest to figure out why our rental car wasn't unlocking (newsflash: the car two down from us was unlocking and flashing), we made it to the Four Seasons in Teton Village (note: when you have a best friend like Jenn, and you tell her you want to go camping in Wyoming for your birthdizzy, this is what happens). Upon check in, we were promptly upgraded to a room with a view, a bottle of wine and a plate of Huckleberry pretzels. We turned on the fireplace, opened the wine and of course had to immediately discuss how a few years ago I dated the most popular boy from our high school and he told me he wanted to be my huckleberry and it totally weirded me out. I mean, lezzzbehonest. He was hot, but he was no Val Kilmer.

We spent the entire weekend laying in front of the fire place, spahhhing it up downstairs, drinking copious amounts of wine, eating blue cheese fondue french fries and drinking bitch creek beers. We may or may not have picked up two married men at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar who were in town to elk hunt. These two married men may or may not have almost caused a fight between lesbians at the Virginian (which I do not recommend anyone go to when visiting Jackson Hole, unless you want to get beat up, or stabbed, by a lesbian).

Oh, and let's not forget that we brought it home wild wild west style at Old Time Photos. The dude running the show wasn't creepy. At All. But then again, neither were we as Indians.

One Year Anniversary

Tomorrow, Oct. 15, 2012 is mine and Barbara's one year anniversary. I can't believe we've only been together for a year! The Vet said it takes about a year for a rescue pup's true personality to come out. If that is the truth, then I am nervous for the next few years because this little b is cray. 

After Pete died, my big brother peer pressured me into getting a dog. I found Barbara online at the Humane Society of Charlotte and after seeing those eyes (pic on the left...the one on the right is the best from her anniversary photo shoot. i die for that necklace), I had to have her. They brought her out, she licked me up the nose, and Barbara has run my life ever since. 6.5lbs of pure insanity and lovebugliness. I often wonder how someone could have passed her by. She was at the pound for 23 days and the average stay in 11. But I know it is because she was waiting on me. No one else would let her get away with shopping in the trash can like I do. No one else would tell her she is beautiful every five minutes. No one else would let her eat pimento cheese out of the bowl. We are a perfect match, my little pound puppy and me.

Happy one year anniversary beautiful Barbara!!! Because of you, I now get why people have dogs. You are so precious to me and there is no way I wouldn't save you a spot on my zombie apocalypse team.

quote of the day.

"Meredith, I like you, and I love you but you are peculiar. You clearly got that from the Robertson side of the family."
      ~my mother.

the friday outfit

it's sort of a commonly known thing around here that I have a hard time gettin' down with coming into work on Fridays. Looking fresh just isn't my thing after getting my booty handed to me all week. It's pretty safe to say that I care even less on a Friday than any other work day. And when I say care less, I mean I wear even less of a face, definitely don't brush my hair, and pretty much wear the same outfit every week.

My outfit is known as the Friday outfit. It consists of jean capris, the same sweet work swag t-shirt, and either trail shoes or boat shoes. Everyone knows about the Friday outfit. Sometimes, if I am having a particularly stressful week, I wear my Friday outfit on a non-Friday. This always seems to cause some confusion because no one can figure out what I will wear when Friday actually rolls around. But if I'm being honest, it's confusing for me too because that is the one day of the week I already have my outfit picked out.

Case in point.

 

The Friday outfit was all well and good until the weather changed. I hadn't accounted for this. I've been sticking it out until today. I woke up, and after driving to the gym and then turning around immediately and driving back home, I knew it was going to be too cold to wear my capris. Such a shame too because they are freshly washed and hanging on the rack waiting to be worn again. This caused a bit of panic because a) it is Friday b) I am not going to wear a dress on a Fri. c) I am certainly not going to wear real pants on a Friday and d) I loathe jeans. But I just really didn't feel like I had a choice - my friend Chelsea just talked to me last weekend about how I need to get over my jean issues. I pulled out my newest pair of jeans, bought months ago a size too small. But for the price, I had figured I could make them fit. Lucky for me, the size too small actually fits! I didn't even have to do a plie (plee-yay) to get into them. And because they are so fancy, I put on a pair of heels, a bright pink top and some bangles. And I even brushed my hair for good measure. 

And just now, at the microwave (because I am an old man and eat lunch at 11a), one of our execs walked by. He said, and I quote, "What is this? That is not the Friday outfit! You're throwing me off!" I said "well, if you think it's because I have a hot date, you are wrong. It was just because it's too cold for my capris." And then my friend Ronke walked up and said "check you out! I like your jeans." I asked her if they made my booty look good. Her reply made my day. 

"GIRL, CHECK YOU OUT. KEEP ON EATING THAT CORNBREAD." 

And that is when I realized I really could get down with Friday. I got this. You got this.  We all got this.

30 words of wisdom (before i turn 30)

As many of you are quite aware, my 30th birthdizzy is just around the corner. I have been reading up on the things you need to do before you turn 30 and the things you can't do once you turn 30 for quite some time now, and I gotta be honest. I am over it. For awhile there, I believed all the hype. I was the one bemoaning that I couldn't believe I was turning 30 as a single, childless woman. I never saw myself here. And then I realized: why shouldn't I be excited to be turning 30 as a single woman with no kids? I have no restraints! No restrictions. I can continue to do me for a little while longer. And I have embraced this season of my life. I mean, if I am like a fine wine (and that I am), then I am only going to get better with age. If my 30s are supposed to be better than my 20s, then I am in for one helluva a ride. My 20s have been nothing short of fantastic. I've learned a lot about love, a lot about family, and a lot about friends. But mostly, I've learned a lot about who I am.

So, in honor of my 30th birthdizzy that is just around the corner (Nov. 1 for all of you with short term memory loss), I have supplied you with my list of 30 life lessons to abide by before you turn 30. This list was created by my own trial and error and the lessons I have had to learn over and over the past few years.

1. Eat that extra eclair if you want it. What you don't want is to be 85 and wishing you had had that extra eclair.
2. Don't buy a house just to feel and look more responsible. That's a big commitment and can keep you landlocked. Plus, you have the rest of your life to own a home. Someone may remind you that you are throwing away your money every month by renting but what you're not doing is fixing your toilet every time it breaks. You've got a landlord to call for that mess.
3. It's not the end of the world to stay out too late on a school night, go to McDonald's every weekend on your way home from the bar or not wash your face before bed. This may lead to someone thinking the only way you function is because you're a coke head, but it really just may be you soaking up all that life has to offer someone in your shoes.
4. Realize that the words "we need to talk" aren't an effective way to start a business discussion or a personal discussion. And that marking emails as "urgent" just makes people want to hit the delete button.
5. Learn how to ask for a raise in a way that results in you actually getting a raise.
6. Learn to defend yourself and learn that it's ok if defending yourself is something you'd rather not do. Stop apologizing for your choices.
7. Learn to let go of (and move on from) the bad relationship, the negative friendships and the job that didn't turn out to be your dream job after all.
8. Go into debt. I understand not having debt is ideal, but I also understand how great once in a lifetime experiences can be. And really, it's not worth missing out on that trip, that massage or that really great pair of boots. Just don't justify it every weekend.
9. Date around. Get to know different kinds of people, even if that means having dinner with a hippie who lives in a camper out by the lake.  And eat a lot of free dinners.
10. Break your own rules. The rules you made for yourself when you were 22 might not apply to you anymore once you're 28. So break them, and then re-evaluate. And adjust accordingly.
11. Do something spontaneous. You may end up walking the streets of Harlem at 2am, but you're probably a lot safer than your parents think you are.
12. Invest in your company's 401(k). Just because I believe in investing in myself doesn't mean I think it's OK not to save.
13. Learn to appreciate a fine wine and a 5 star restaurant. And then go to the hole in the wall and appreciate it all the same. And if you don't like beer, own it. There are others out there like you.
14. Lighten up. If you stick to a plan and don't enjoy what you've got right in front of you, you're going to miss out on a lot.
15. Realize that you probably aren't needy, you're probably just a person with emotional needs.
16. Find a workout that you enjoy. In theory, running a marathon sounds so badass. Unless you really just hate running. So if you're going to spend time working out, you might as well enjoy it.
17. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. No one else is you and you don't need to feel any pressure to be somewhere other than right where you are.
18. Deactivate Facebook for awhile. I promise you'll still be popular when you return but I also promise that the peace of mind you'll experience during your "deactivation phase" will be enough to make you question returning to Facebook at all.
19. Learn to cook. I fully believe everyone should be able to put together a quick meal based off the ingredients in their kitchen.
20. Stop saying you're going to do something and just do it. If you want to lose weight, change your habits. If you want to learn a new sport or hobby, sign up for it. If you want to go back to school, they accept students every spring and every fall. Just stop saying you're going to do something that you really don't intend to ever actually do.
21. Learn to lay. Even if it is grammatically incorrect.
22. Learn the difference between your and you're and their, there and they're. And use those differences.
23. Embrace your Bieber fever or your fascination with Miley Cyrus. Realize that you may actually be more immature as you get older, and that's not always a bad thing. You're really not weird.
24. Go to church. There's one for everybody out there.
25. Understand that you may  not have it all figured out and you're not a loser if you're having a harder time figuring it out than your friends.
26. Go to therapy. Even if you don't think you have issues, you probably do. And therapy is a wonderful gift.
27. Vote. I know you don't think your vote really matters but what does matter is that if you're American, you have a right that a lot of people in this world literally die over. And you should exercise that right.
28. Stop making excuses and blaming your circumstances or other people. Learn to own up to your mistakes and learn to apologize.
29. Find out what really makes you happy and what you like and don't like. You really don't have to eat sushi just because it's trendy or pretend like you think skinny jeans on dudes look good.
30. Be patient. Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop wishing this time away. Things will eventually go your way and you'll eventually get your break.

thought for the day.

today i have had nothing to eat but leftover pizza and hot dogs.

hello.

my name is meredith and i am a 14 year old boy.

nightmare at the tee tiny tree house

truth thursday.

this morning, i was on a conference call with several people, one of whom I used to date. When I say used to date, I really mean my friends hated him so much they had an intervention. They sat me down and told me if I continued to date him, they wouldn't be able to be my friend anymore. That's how large of a tool this dude was.

Over the years, we've exchanged a few pleasantries. Nothing big. It's actually sort of become a joke that I was so enamored with this guy. A few weeks ago, his manager and I were out at an event together and he told me my ex was not only married now, but also had a baby on the way. He said I should congratulate him since no one, especially me, ever thought he would get to this point in life. I said I would the next time I was on a call with him. I mean, the last thing I need is for this guy to think I'm still pining over him all these years later and have taken to stalking him just to get my fix. Because let's be honest: I don't need no fix.

Today, I congratulated him. It went a little like this:

me: hey, congratulations on the baby!
him: uhh, thanks.
me: that's so exciting. when is it coming?
him: not really sure.
me: oh. well when is your wife due?
him: again, not really sure.

NOT REALLY SURE WHEN YOUR WIFE IS DUE? When I say an awkward silence fell over the call, what I really mean is no one made a sound and we all sat there for a full three minutes in total and complete silence until the last member of the call dialed in and broke the ice. I am fully aware that he could not be sure because there are so many things that can happen with a baby. However, I will say that he probably decided he wasn't sure because he thinks I am stalking him. How else would I know that there was a baby on the way, let alone that he had a wife?

Clearly, it has nothing to do with his manager and is all because I am Harriet the Spy.

last (thursday) night

I'm thinking about selling my Thursday and Friday night experiences to Katy Perry for the follow up to her song "Last Friday Night." Why do you ask? Well. Let me 'splain.

You may remember when my sales rep, Bill, called my mom approximately 47 times and then tried to blame it on me. Well, he came to town this past week for business meetings and we met up. At first, it was only going to be for dinner because he had to meet up with his group at a local comedy club. That worked out well for me because I was planning to stop by a local dive bar to hear a friend of a friend strum his guitar. But before I knew it, it was Friday morning and our night had gone a little like this.

1. After dinner at Buku, we began our trek to the comedy club. Charlie Goodnight's is on Morgan St., and Morgan St. happens to run downtown. After 8 blocks of walking and no Charlie Goodnight's in sight, we found a cab who drove us the next mile and dropped us at the front door. Because the show was in progress, we made ourselves comfortable at the bar downstairs.
2. Little did we know that Ricky Bobby was also comfortable at the bar.
3. I will the you that there was no way  the bartender was comfortable at her bar. Lezzzbehonest. Would you be comfortable with Ricky Bobby telling you that your eyebrows were so beautiful, he couldn't stop staring at them?
4. I developed the hiccups at the bar.
5. Ricky Bobby told us he was a hypnotherapist but for some reason, when asked if he would hypnotize me to rid me of my hiccups, he was unable to actually perform.
6. We met up with Bill's coworkers. They told us they were headed to the Irish pub, but I wanted to go hear my friend of a friend.
7. Bill and I told them we'd meet later and next thing we knew, a German girl was in the car too.
8. it's a good thing we showed up to hear the friend of a friend because without us, there would have only been 10 people there.
9. the friend of a friend was actually pretty good though.
10. We left the dive bar and headed back towards the hotel so I could drop Bill and the German off.
11. On the way back to the hotel, Bill discovered my homemade Richard Marx cd.
12. We proceeded to have a sing along of Endless Summer Nights on repeat.
13. I'm not kidding you. We rolled the windows down and sang it three times without pause. 
14. The German girl asked on more than one occasion if this was really happening to her.
15. At the hotel, they convinced me to come inside while they had one more drink.
16. We ended up discussing politics. Clearly Bill and I were on opposite political sides than the German, but she was quite receptive to our conservative view points.
17. She said if she weren't a socialist, then she'd be a Republican.
18. I thought that was nice of her.

Then the next thing I knew, it was Friday evening and Bill had convinced me to meet him out at the local watering hole near my house - Edwards Mill Bar & Grill. he wasn't flying out till Saturday am and wanted to watch football. Since he twisted my arm so much, and it clearly was either cry uncle or meet him out, I told him I'd meet him after the gym. (I don't think he really believed me that I would come right from the gym in my gym clothes. Boy was he surprised). We ordered a giant plate of nachos, which I proceeded to house and then decided to pop over to Rudinos to see if they had any live music. They did not but what they did have suited us just fine: big screen tvs and liquor for him and a chair and a glass of wine for me.

Somewhere over the course of the night, we thought it would be hilarious to txt and/or facebook some of the other reps in his office and tell them we were in love and eloping. We txted one rep and told him we were at the airport about to board a flight for Vegas. In order to further our proof that we were eloping, I agreed to change my name on facebook. How the hell was I supposed to know it would take 48 hours to change it back to my real name??

I woke up the next morning to txts and emails asking why I had eloped and not told anyone. Number one, I didn't really elope! And number b, isn't that the point of eloping? You don't tell anyone? At any rate, everyone was freaking out. Everyone except the people the joke was meant for that is. Bill said his girlfriend was going to love seeing he had gotten married when he came to Raleigh for work. I eventually had to put up a disclaimer on facebook that the news of my elopement was false and that because of facebook rules, I couldn't change my name back for 48 hours (againt - how was I supposed to know!). Unfortunately, some of my parents' friends had seen my updated name and on Sunday had congratulated them during church. When I asked my mom how they responded, she just said "well meredith, we said to them...'how do you explain stupid?'"

and there you have it folks. Sales training 101.

thought for the day.

Parents aren't the people you come from. They're the people you want to be, when you grow up.

~Jodi Picoult

(and if I'm lucky, I'll get to hang on to these two forever)

Deezy Does Deutschland 2012 - recap

 Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster. ~ David Herbert Lawrence

You may remember that this summer I had big plans for Europe. I don't think anyone in their right mind would try to squeeze as much into a few days as I did - but I am in my right mind so maybe they would after all. (And maybe no one in their right mind would ever forget about the bottles flowing wine as you cross the Atlantic, but I did. I guess since I couldn't partake the last time I took a plane ride that long, it didn't resonate with me. Well, you can bet your bottom dollar I partook this time around.)

In Munich, I really did ride a beach cruiser in between bier gardens and nude beaches. The nude beaches were fun but they were even more fun once I had a giant bier in me and decided I should try to get close to check out the goods on display. We discovered a raging river where crazy Germans go to surf. I wanted to participate, but that was before I realized how crazy these Germans really were. Not only was it freezing, but the bottom of the river was a cement block!

Side note: don't be fooled by the picture people...I was a good sport and drank a bier, but I didn't really enjoy it. I was just passing the time until I could get to Venice and drank some wine!

Venice was everything I had imagined. I was reading a wonderful novel my mom had picked up at the Sam's Club (yes) called The Glassblower of Murano and it made Venice that much more exciting to see the places I had read about in this book. We took a water taxi from the airport into Venice and I am so glad we did. The vaporetto (public water transport) was fine to go to Lido but the 30 minute ride from the airport was perfect in the back of a chartered boat. I don't even know how to describe Venice except to say it was a dream come true. I immediately started looking for jobs in Venice (but let's be serious. I don't want to be an au pair at the ripe old age of 30, and that's basically what is available).  Venice is a walking town, once you're there of course. And I can honestly say there isn't a cobblestone street in Venice I have not been on. I ate the most delicious food, drank delicious Venetian wine and took in the Venetian sunsets every night. I soaked up Venetian life at outdoor cafes and I do not believe there is anywhere more suited for me than that place. I visited the beach at Lido (which was OK but it's a public beach full of smelly Italians and the sand was really hot.), I rode the vaporetto to Burano where I found all of my future houses and saw little old ladies making lace. Then I hopped over to Murano and saw real live glass blowing and ate way too much gelato. And before I knew it, it was time to move on to my next spot and I had to bid farewell to Venice. Call me a whiney baby, but I may or may not have pitched a bit of a fit and cried a little as I left. 

Next up: Salzburg, Austria for four hours of Sound of Music bliss. After arriving much later than I had planned (queue anxiety) and covering much more ground than I knew existed in Salzburg, seeing Mozart's birthplace and discussing salts with a local salt dealer, it was time for one of the things I had been most looking forward to. A four hour bus ride to the locations of the most famous Sound of Music scenes. I had two favorite parts about this. Okay, three really.
1. the sing a long. They seriously played the sound track in between stops and everyone on the bus sang along. Whomever it was that created this tour knew that generally speaking, most Americans love a good sing a long.
2. The bus driver was named Ferdinand and he loved Arnold Schwarzenegger so much that he had a cut out of his face that he had taped over Freuline Maria's face on the side of the bus. I asked him if it was similar to the Germans love for David Hasselhoff and he said it was just like that, only better.
3.  We stopped at the church where Maria and the Captain were married and I walked some of the aisle. I also picked up a bottle of holy water.

If you ever get a chance to go to Salzburg, you should. And you should spend four days there instead of four hours - the Lake District is some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen. And you should definitely do the Sound of Music tour. And you should probably plan in advance to do the sing a long. Brushing up on some tunes never hurt anyone.

After that, it was back to Deutschland for one more day and then I was off, back to America and back to scheming up ways to get me back to Europe sooner rather than later. I've always thought I would make a good European and now I am convinced I would. Barbara isn't necessarily an urban dog but I feel like the two of us would do well as Venetians with a summer cottage in Austria.

thought for the day: how not to respond to a don't ever contact me again email.

I've said it before and I will proclaim it again. My life is like an episode of Seinfeld. I encounter the craziest people and find myself in the strangest situations. Most days I wonder things such as "how the hell did I end up here?" or "what the shit are they doing?"

Case in point.

About a month ago, I sent a certain someone the following email:

do not call me anymore. you are a game player and i am not interested in playing your games. you  and i are not friends and we will never be friends.

Yesterday, I received the following response: 

if we are not friends, lets declare war!  we could have a water gun fight or something. even if you want to spit at me the whole time. Eat pizza and be merry? 

The whole basis for this was due in part to a free pizza that had been won by one or both of us. The more and more I read this, the more I think to myself "what the SHIT is he thinking?" I will say that this is just really a shame. I really wanted that pizza.

dear you know who. if you're reading this, maybe you'll understand why it makes me think of you.

Pinterest: A Story of Epic Fail

A couple of weekends ago, Barbara and I decided to go to Hickory to visit Eli and Glenda. Eli had recently purchased some new furniture for her apartment, and I wanted to offer my decorating advice (note: it was not taken). I will say that a sign of someone who probably should take decorating advice is a failed Pinterest project. Eli had a picture frame hanging on her wall with no glass in it (see Exhibit A below). When I asked her what was going on with the frame on her wall, she responded "oh, that's just my failed Pinterest project." "So, you just left it there?" I asked. "Yep." Was all she said. (Of course, this came from the same girl who, when I lamented several times about the pile of trash on her floor, she just said "i know man" so I'm not really sure why leaving a failed Pinterest project hanging on the wall really surprised me).

At any rate, this failed Pinterest project was all well and good until Barbara ran into the glass pane that was leaning up against the wall. We didn't even know she was hurt. She didn't cry or scream or anything. She just started rubbing her head on the carpet like she does when she smells something delicious. Next thing I know, there was blood everywhere and we are on our way to the 911 Vet. Thank goodness there even was a 911 Vet in Hickory. Granted, based on the looks of some of the clientele in there, I'm pretty sure they were more accustomed to wildlife patients than sweet, 6.5 lbs domestic patients.

 They delivered the bad news that Barbara would have to stay overnight for stitching. The anesthesia would take several hours to wear off, and she would have to stay until it was out of her system, so it was best to leave her overnight. I was a strong mama and held it together while I forked over my right arm as a deposit. The next morning, we picked her up and I lost it. She looked terrible. Not to mention she couldn't close her eye because the stitching was so tight. Although it was obvious I was a mess, I gave them my other arm, and we were off. I tell you what. I should have been a 911 Vet. They didn't even do it right (obviously) and still got a payday!

The lampshade was the worst part. And in usual Barbara fashion, she let me know she did NOT appreciate it one bit. I mean, lezzbehonest. Have you ever tried eating pimento cheese out of the bowl with a lampshade on your head?? As soon as we got back to Raleigh (which was soon because I needed to get back to making some lettuce after that adventure), I took her to her vet who said she would need to restitch my little girl so she would be able to close her eye and the scar would heal better. Since I clearly didn't have any arms to give over, I offered her my first born and we were back in business. She restitched her and I was able to pick her up later that day (so...6.5lbs under anesthesia twice in three days...makes for an interesting child to say the least!). Thank goodness I have a good doctor because she took her time with Barbara and we finally started returning to normal. After two full weeks of being loser lampshade lenny, Barbara was able to return to life as a normal human baby, sniffing and eating and wallering in all the places she shouldn't. She even had her first bath since the accident and enjoyed drying her bod off on my fresh pile of clean clothes.

i would like to say thank you for all the calls, facebook posts, tweets and well wishes to Barbara for a speedy recovery. We are both doing much better. The doc assured me this was much harder on me than it was on her. All I know is there is no way I can have real children. This was much too traumatizing (sorry fellas). And a word to the wise: don't buy stock in Pinterest (or Eli's Crafts) any time soon. You may end up spending much more than you anticipated!!

(awkward) truth thursday.

You know what's awkward? When your brother calls you because he's having lunch with your ex boyfriend and he asks if you want to talk to him. You say no and he puts him on the phone anyway. And all you can think of to say is: well I haven't talked to you on the phone since I was 16.

discovered in gastonia in a bathroom

no wonder they call it the Gashouse. Additionally, one of my fave pranks is to call the Ihop on Cox Road. Do it. And don't laugh when they answer the phone with "Ihop on Cox."

if you're ever in trouble, you know who to call.

reasons why my weekend was weirder, i mean better, than yours

It's been awhile since I've had a weekend where things have just been kinda weird. Well not anymore because my friends, let me tell you why I'm pretty sure my weekend was weirder than yours. In no specific order.

1. i had a hott date (enough said)
2. a friend of mine had hired a man from Craigslist (yes. the words "hired a man from craigslist" should make you think immediately of the craigslist killer) to come pick up her dryer. Upon hearing this, and finding it sketch, I said I would go sit with her. Only by the time he didn't show, we were over it, so we drug the dryer outside on our own.
3. we saw him pulling into the neighborhood as we high tailed it out of there. pretty sure we avoided a machete murder.
4. in order to get past the machete murder we had surely just missed, we decided to get a drink at this random bar near the mall. they were playing sex ed trivia. we didn't play.
5. we should have played because we got every answer right.
6. we determined it was a good thing we hadn't died at the hands of the dryer man because we were clearly going to start playing trivia from here on out.
7. at one point during my hot date, my hot date went to the bathroom. a strange (and possibly drunken) man sat down at my table and wanted to know if I was alone. Well no, I told him. (let's not mention the fact that this was a fancy schmancy restaurant and a Sat night...even I know better than to dine alone in public under those conditions). He said to let my date know he was going to punch him in the throat.
8. When my date returned, I let him know to beware, he might get punched in the throat.
9. The maybe drunken man reappeared, fist bumped the black couple next to us, and then asked my date if they could talk. In the end, we all decided to be friends.
10. Another couple walked by and the man leaned down to me and said "don't flatter yourself sweetie."
11. Because I'm deaf in one ear and wasn't sure I had heard him correctly, I asked him to repeat himself. "DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF SWEETIE" he bellowed.
12. my date and I discussed what that possibly meant and whether or not alligators are fast running out of the water towards their prey.
13. the vet lamented she wished barbara could gain some weight, then surmised that "she's just that skinny bitch who can eat a cheeseburger and not gain an ounce."

and there you have it. weird weekends with deezy: 101

thought for the day.

 an extra large glass of wine and three cheers to me. i'm pretty sure the bartenders at the Marriott Bar in downtown Raleigh thought I was a prostitute this week. Lezzzbehonest. Who but a prostitute would have a night cap at a hotel bar with a married man (and sometimes multiple married men) for three nights in a row?  Plus, if the wave of exhaustion that seemed to come upon me every night once we got to the hotel bar is any indication of what kind of prostitute I would be, then I should probably not ever try my hand at that. I would be the sleepiest prostitute in the world and you definitely would not get your money's worth. So I guess that means I shouldn't try to be a rockstar either. After partying like one all week, I feel insane.

dammit. i suppose I will just keep on being a paralegal.

thought for the day.

 Healing doesn’t mean fixing. Healing means learning how to live broken.
 

~ thanks Andrea for these words of wisdom and truth.

whirlwinds

Earlier in the summer, I volunteered to write a blog post for one of my church's summer blogging project.

Here it is!

Meredith Robertson on Nahum 1:3

[This post is a part of our 2012 Summer Blogging Project.  Each Friday morning in June-September, we'll be posting a new entry from a WMPC young adult.  Participants have been asked to reflect on a favorite piece of scripture - a passage that has become a "life verse" or that they have come back to again and again.  Each writer will do this in their own way, whether that is to write a theological reflection, share a story from their life, write a poem, or share art of some kind that illumines the passage in some way.  As a community, we are all invited and encouraged to respond to these posts in the comments section.]

Years ago, I stumbled upon a Christian book series for tween girls. It chronicled the life of a perfectly normal teenage girl named Christy as she navigated her way through life, love and huge decisions, all while learning to rely on the Lord.  Besides being completely obsessed with how hopelessly romantic the entire series was, I learned some useful information, such as where to obtain an “I escaped from Alcatraz” shirt (I may or may not own two. Don’t hate). But I also stumbled upon what has become one of my most very favorite pieces of Scripture.

Nahum 1:3 says “…His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.”
I don’t remember exactly in what context Christy referred to this verse, but I am sure she found it while searching the depths of her soul trying to discern what the Lord was trying to teach her through whatever crisis she was facing at the time. (She, like me, faced a lot of crises and was very emotional about them.)

Have you ever looked up the definition for whirlwind? It makes me think of tumble weeds blowing across Texas. Although, I’m sure that image came from the lyrics of a country song since I haven’t actually ever seen a tumble weed in real life.  According to my friends over at dictionary.com, a whirlwind isn’t exactly positive. It’s violent, destructive, a little bit of a dust devil. But I guess this sort of makes sense, since any of the events I would consider whirlwinds in my own life haven’t been all that positive.  Or, they at least haven’t started out that way. If you Google the word whirlwind in the Bible, a lot of references come up. And most of them are used to describe how to Lord presents himself. Sort of like without a whirlwind from the Lord, things can’t be made right. Be made new. Be made whole.

Remember that evangelical preacher Ted Haggard? I heard him speak once a few years back, and he said that sometimes the Lord does what He absolutely has to do to get you out of something in order to make you right again. And when I reflect on the whirlwinds in my own life, those events that really shook me, I see the Lord’s hand. I see all this commotion that seemingly came out of nowhere – just like a whirlwind. But then I see that whenever the whirlwind was over, and the dust had settled, so to speak, it was like a beautiful calmness, a peacefulness that only the Lord could bring.

So that brings me back to this little prophet man named Nahum. Maybe what he was trying to say – what he was prophesizing – is that even though we’re going to have these crazy whirlwinds in our lives, that will test our faith and really stretch us, if we just hang on and just go with whatever it is God is doing (because even faith as small as a mustard seed can believe that surely God is working in us during our worst moments), we’ll see that God was in it all along.  We’ll see that those clouds are the dust of HIS feet. And when all the dust settles, we’ll see that he was actually walking with us the whole time.

F%$! yeah, America!

This weekend was my America party. Disclaimer: it had nothing to do with the 4th of July or the Olympics (seeing as how both are now over...) and honestly, nothing exciting happened, and it was actually kind of lame, but I really enjoyed decorating and going all out, America style. Searching for the perfect outfit was very time consuming, and after realizing that no shop (not even ebay) in America sold American flag rompers, I was at a loss. I mean let's get real for a minute: why doesn't anyone in America sell American flag rompers? I think I've found my calling.

I can tell you this though. My calling was not the be a gymnast. That was proven by the amount of calisthenics it took to get into my velvet American flag leotard. Additionally, I can also tell you that wearing a leotard does not an Olympic gymnast hiney make. I completed my look with some red, white and blue Muay Thai boxing shorts back from when I was a boxer. I argued with the teacher about wearing these shorts and when he insisted, I quit. But I held onto these beauties because I knew they would come in handy somewhere, someday, somehow. And to complete my American look? Some good ole American eye candy:

Happy America everyone!

Lee Robertson, JD

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the latest passee of the North Carolina Bar: Esquire Richard Lee Robertson, Jr, JD.

A few notes: to anyone who he may or may not have threatened to sue (which was everyone that ever crossed him between the ages of birth and now), you may need to watch out! Also, next time I see him, I'm going to slap him. I have spent an entire summer praying that he passed the Bar since he spent the entire summer before July convincing me he was going to fail, and then definitely had failed from the end of the test until now.

Congratulations Lee! All your hard work over the past three years has paid off! I am so proud of you! Now, get to work so you can loan me some money.

really good thought for the day.

hang in there harry

letzzzbehonest. if i were a princess, i'd party nakey too. everyone needs to leave the royal ging alone.

UMMM???

What made our wedding offbeat: We both identify as genderqueer in one way or another, and we go to the Renaissance Faire every year…so this was perfect for us!

gotta be honest. i do wish the poking random strangers feature was still around.

the story of pocket bobby

when i was in college, my cousin and her friends had a friend named Bobby. He was this little guy from the Virgin Islands and he loved him some of my cousin. She is like 6'1 and he was like 5'2. Behind his back, they used to joke that he was so tiny you could put him in your pocket. Hence the name Pocket Bobby.

Well I found this to be hysterical. Like, poor guy, right? I blabbed to everyone in my family about my cousin's friend Pocket Bobby. Somehow, things got switched around and next thing I know, everyone had started referring to him as Bobby Pocket. Can you even imagine having a last name like Pocket? Nothing sounds good with it. Bobby Pocket. Rocky Pocket. You get my drift. Again, poor guy.

One night I went to a Sister Hazel concert. I didn't know a soul there but lucky for me, Pocket Bobby was there. Even luckier for me was that although he stood right smack in front of me the entire show, my view was never obstructed.

Pocket Bobby showed up everywhere. He was at all the parties, he was at Meredith College dances (still not sure who his date(s) were), he was at bars. All I know is people loved them some Pocket Bobby as much as he loved him some of my cousin.

Then Karoline went to a wedding, in a city halfway across the state. She called me and said "you are never going to believe who the usher was that escorted me down the aisle." I had no idea. I mean, I didn't even know the people whose wedding she was at so how would I know their wedding party.

POCKET BOBBY.

How Pocket Bobby ended up at a wedding halfway across the state for people no one even knew is beyond me. But I will tell you this. He was like a Visa. But instead of being everywhere you want to be, he was everywhere you already were.

That sounds kind of creepy. Again, poor guy.

the campaign

so, if you know anything about my family, you probably know that we are mainly Republican. In my family, conservative = republican and republican = party. (I say we are mainly republican because this big brother of mine, Lee, has spent a good amount of his time being liberal. I feel the winds of change coming soon though, especially since he doesn't think women should drive. And don't liberals believe in womens' rights?) But anyway. Tonight, my parents' are hosting a republican party. It's been a few years since they hosted a political party and truth be told, i'm really sad to miss it. (Not to mention a boy I make out with from time to time is running for a judgeship and he'll be there without me. I thought about hanging a picture of us on the wall just to make things awkward, but when I spilled the beans of my secret to him, he didn't think that would be appropes or funny. And he'll probably be annoyed I've blogged about him now but we just won't tell him) It's a rally for republican candidates in the Charlotte area. In case any of the neighbors were confused about the theme of the party, please see photo evidence below. (Do they still do Yard of the Month, mom? if so, I am submitting this for consideration!)

it's a good thing their house isn't a polling place, especially since they would probably only allow republicans in to vote, and that would cause the dems to get their pannies all up in a wad about voting unfairness and how crooked the repubs are. And we all know that just simply isn't true. Besides, have you seen Paul Ryan's abs? I think it's safe to say nothing is crooked about him.

At any rate, while my parents have been busy prepping their home for this Republican Party (and a party it will be. Have you ever been to one of their parties?), the Dems have been busy over at Obama Headquarters in Charlotte. Now, I don't live in Charlotte so I can't quite attest to this but I can tell you my mom's facebook status today is:

the Obama people have been lined up all morning outside my office window to pick up credentials for the convention. I can't believe that many people have that much time on their hands. Don't any of them have to work? On second thought, no they don't!

 All I know is, the police had arrived when my mom was leaving the office for lunch. As for me, I heard Milli Vanilli in the car on the way home for lunch. Go Repubs. it's your birthday.  

 

thought for the day.

my horoscope today told me to just give up.

welp. there you have it. not really sure much else can be said.

thought for the day.

you have to demand respect. and if you don't, you'll never get it. but if you don't respect yourself and your values, then you can bet your bottom dollar no one else is going to.

Heidi Montag Update

It's a good thing I have an addictive personality. After scouring hundreds of blogs for "whatever happened to heidi montag" (and not doing my work, son), I am here to give you an update on what really happened to heidi montag.

Long story short, she and Spencer are living with his parents and are totally broke. They eat a lot of tacos and burritos (because they are cheap?) and do a lot of laundry. Spencer has contemplated going back to school but he knows at the end of the day, no one wants to hire Spencer Pratt. Oh, and Heidi Montag doesn't regret anything but if she could change things, she never would have gotten all those surgeries. Her breasts are too big and too fake, but she is too scared to go back under the knife again and have them reduced. Oh, and don't get your ears pinned back, she says.

I think it's safe to say to Heidi Montag: Lesson Learned.

thought for the day.

whatever happened to heidi montag?

A song for my exes (not all who live in texas)...so really, stop txting, emailing and facebooking me!

This morning, one of the Kristins resent to me an email I sent to my girlfriends on Mon, June 28, 2010 and asked me how I was doing with the highlighted items since my 30th was quickly approaching (thanks for the reminder, biotch). Below is the email with my updates on how this quest is going. You can also find a more in detailed list here. Also, after re-reading this list, I think it's fair to say I'm a failure at turning 30. At least I have a few more months.

ladies, please see below. i have highlighted the things i refuse to do when i turn 30. at least for the rest, i have 2.5 years left to grow the eff up.  

30 Things Every Woman Should Quit Doing By 30

Here on The Frisky we’ve talked a lot about things every woman should do — or, at least know how to do — by the time she turns 30, but until now we haven’t focused too much on the no-nos for women after 30. After the jump, 30 things every women should stop doing once she turns 30.

1. Buying clothes from the junior section.-->
2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays.
3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention.
4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention. --> sad fact. I really don't go to bars anymore. It's too much effort to put on a face, let alone find a boyfriend that I could potentially have a bar makeout with. 
5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many).
6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years.
7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents.
8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.”--> nope. still happening.
9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school.
10. Skipping regular gyno exams.
11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face.-> nope. still happening.
12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party.--> If I'm being honest, I haven't had any office parties to attend recently so I can't really attest to this right now. 
13. Crushing on Justin Bieber.--> truth thursday: I'm not nearly as obsessed. And his tweeter isn't nearly as exciting as I had hoped it would be when I joined tweeter. 
14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out.--> now that I think about this, I take exception to this. of course I have it all figured out. 
15. Calling her father “daddy.” --> nope. still happening.
16. Engaging in sibling rivalry.--> not doing this is not something I can accomplish before I am 30. Have you talked to my brother or sister lately? Besides, Eli has lost like 35lbs on Weight Watchers. She may be younger than me, blonder than me, and taller than me but she will NOT be skinnier than me. But let's be honest: Weight Watchers is killing me.
17. Trying to get by on her looks.--> I have found myself stocking up on beauty items a lot more lately...
18. Living paycheck to paycheck.--> I was doing OK at not doing this, which would have made me successful before my 30th birthdizzy. But then I went to Europe for 2 weeks...
19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her.--> still waiting. not really sure why it hasn't happened yet. all i know is - that better be some REALLY shiny armor when he does get here. sheesh. 
20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job.
21. Using MySpace to pick up guys. (or, in my case, facebook)--> let me tell you about how just the other day i commented on a picture of my friend Beth's boyfriend AJ and his friends. The comment may or may not have been inquiring about one of the specimens in the pic.Turns out he's married. The comment "easy Merdeezy" may have been made, especially considering the one in question is the husband of AJ's boss. Personally, I think I deserve an A for effort. If you can't meet em on the book, where can you meet em? 
22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing.-->this might have something to do with why i'm still waiting on a knight in shining armor to swoop in and save me. 
23. Wishing she had someone else’s life.
24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday ...--> the fact that my birthdizzy isn't for another three months and i've already sent out multiple emails involving multiple parties means nothing.
25. ... or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her.
26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale.
27. Being cheap.-->can someone tell me how I'm supposed to quit being cheap if I am still living paycheck to paycheck? 
28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first (especially in this economy!).
29. Blaming her mother for all her issues.
30. Romanticizing her 20s.