Monday, September 17, 2012

reasons why my weekend was weirder, i mean better, than yours

It's been awhile since I've had a weekend where things have just been kinda weird. Well not anymore because my friends, let me tell you why I'm pretty sure my weekend was weirder than yours. In no specific order.

1. i had a hott date (enough said)
2. a friend of mine had hired a man from Craigslist (yes. the words "hired a man from craigslist" should make you think immediately of the craigslist killer) to come pick up her dryer. Upon hearing this, and finding it sketch, I said I would go sit with her. Only by the time he didn't show, we were over it, so we drug the dryer outside on our own.
3. we saw him pulling into the neighborhood as we high tailed it out of there. pretty sure we avoided a machete murder.
4. in order to get past the machete murder we had surely just missed, we decided to get a drink at this random bar near the mall. they were playing sex ed trivia. we didn't play.
5. we should have played because we got every answer right.
6. we determined it was a good thing we hadn't died at the hands of the dryer man because we were clearly going to start playing trivia from here on out.
7. at one point during my hot date, my hot date went to the bathroom. a strange (and possibly drunken) man sat down at my table and wanted to know if I was alone. Well no, I told him. (let's not mention the fact that this was a fancy schmancy restaurant and a Sat night...even I know better than to dine alone in public under those conditions). He said to let my date know he was going to punch him in the throat.
8. When my date returned, I let him know to beware, he might get punched in the throat.
9. The maybe drunken man reappeared, fist bumped the black couple next to us, and then asked my date if they could talk. In the end, we all decided to be friends.
10. Another couple walked by and the man leaned down to me and said "don't flatter yourself sweetie."
11. Because I'm deaf in one ear and wasn't sure I had heard him correctly, I asked him to repeat himself. "DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF SWEETIE" he bellowed.
12. my date and I discussed what that possibly meant and whether or not alligators are fast running out of the water towards their prey.
13. the vet lamented she wished barbara could gain some weight, then surmised that "she's just that skinny bitch who can eat a cheeseburger and not gain an ounce."

and there you have it. weird weekends with deezy: 101

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