Monday, September 24, 2012

Pinterest: A Story of Epic Fail

A couple of weekends ago, Barbara and I decided to go to Hickory to visit Eli and Glenda. Eli had recently purchased some new furniture for her apartment, and I wanted to offer my decorating advice (note: it was not taken). I will say that a sign of someone who probably should take decorating advice is a failed Pinterest project. Eli had a picture frame hanging on her wall with no glass in it (see Exhibit A below). When I asked her what was going on with the frame on her wall, she responded "oh, that's just my failed Pinterest project." "So, you just left it there?" I asked. "Yep." Was all she said. (Of course, this came from the same girl who, when I lamented several times about the pile of trash on her floor, she just said "i know man" so I'm not really sure why leaving a failed Pinterest project hanging on the wall really surprised me).

At any rate, this failed Pinterest project was all well and good until Barbara ran into the glass pane that was leaning up against the wall. We didn't even know she was hurt. She didn't cry or scream or anything. She just started rubbing her head on the carpet like she does when she smells something delicious. Next thing I know, there was blood everywhere and we are on our way to the 911 Vet. Thank goodness there even was a 911 Vet in Hickory. Granted, based on the looks of some of the clientele in there, I'm pretty sure they were more accustomed to wildlife patients than sweet, 6.5 lbs domestic patients.
 They delivered the bad news that Barbara would have to stay overnight for stitching. The anesthesia would take several hours to wear off, and she would have to stay until it was out of her system, so it was best to leave her overnight. I was a strong mama and held it together while I forked over my right arm as a deposit. The next morning, we picked her up and I lost it. She looked terrible. Not to mention she couldn't close her eye because the stitching was so tight. Although it was obvious I was a mess, I gave them my other arm, and we were off. I tell you what. I should have been a 911 Vet. They didn't even do it right (obviously) and still got a payday!

The lampshade was the worst part. And in usual Barbara fashion, she let me know she did NOT appreciate it one bit. I mean, lezzbehonest. Have you ever tried eating pimento cheese out of the bowl with a lampshade on your head?? As soon as we got back to Raleigh (which was soon because I needed to get back to making some lettuce after that adventure), I took her to her vet who said she would need to restitch my little girl so she would be able to close her eye and the scar would heal better. Since I clearly didn't have any arms to give over, I offered her my first born and we were back in business. She restitched her and I was able to pick her up later that day (so...6.5lbs under anesthesia twice in three days...makes for an interesting child to say the least!). Thank goodness I have a good doctor because she took her time with Barbara and we finally started returning to normal. After two full weeks of being loser lampshade lenny, Barbara was able to return to life as a normal human baby, sniffing and eating and wallering in all the places she shouldn't. She even had her first bath since the accident and enjoyed drying her bod off on my fresh pile of clean clothes.

i would like to say thank you for all the calls, facebook posts, tweets and well wishes to Barbara for a speedy recovery. We are both doing much better. The doc assured me this was much harder on me than it was on her. All I know is there is no way I can have real children. This was much too traumatizing (sorry fellas). And a word to the wise: don't buy stock in Pinterest (or Eli's Crafts) any time soon. You may end up spending much more than you anticipated!!

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