whew. it's been busy the past few months. actually, since we got married it feels like it's been one thing after another. i think it's safe to say we've had our fair share of newlywed fun. and we've had our fair share of newlywed challenges.
In the past four months, we've both: had car issues, health concerns, and started new jobs. We've moved. We've thought about - and talked about - finding a new church. We've even picked a few to try for when we're in town. We've combined incomes, spending styles and decorating skills. We've had to learn how to better and more effectively communicate. We've had to adjust some of our plans for the future. And we've realized that what is important to us - him and me - has to be protected and fought for, sometimes it feels like daily. We have to protect our marriage. We have to fight for our marriage. And we have to consciously decide to put the other first.
Bruce, our wedding minister told us that marriage will make you realize just how selfish you are. And boy oh boy. He wasn't kidding. I used to think I wasn't all that selfish and I used to think I would make the perfect wife. Hello, I love to cook and clean! And I will happily do so if he wants to bring home the bacon!! But I was wrong. So so so wrong (not about the cooking and cleaning. It is in fact true about me that I love each of those things). Over the past 4 months, I have learned just how selfish I can be and how much happier I am when I am making decisions to put his needs before mine. I have also learned how much better we do as a unit - as a team - when we are prayerful in our thoughts and intentional in our decisions. It's so much fun - such a blessing - to have a teammate, to be his helper, to learn how to love him well and to learn to do life together.
But it is work. Hard work. And while I always knew marriage would be hard, I never thought it would be so hard so fast. I always knew being married would change things but I don't think I realized just how much things would change. Marrying Bill has been the absolute best decision I've ever made. But learning to be less selfish, to put my husband's needs and wants before mine, and to allow him to fully see my brokenness, my insecurities and how wicked my soul can be sometimes has been hard. Even though I know he loves the depths of me and the ridiculousness that can be me, it's been hard to give someone everything and just believe that he won't run away. It's definitely been a tug of war with faith.
In a sense, it's overwhelming that this man chose me and wants to be with me through thick and thin. For better for worse. For richer or for poorer. in sickness and in health. and at the same time, I think it is just that - those very things - that make marriage so profound and so worth it. and i wouldn't trade any of the past four months for anything.