Wednesday, October 15, 2014

hot yoga with the boss

Recently, my current boss was telling me about his love for shows like Revenge, 90210 and the OC. I guess he felt insecure because then he reminded me that he was married with children and loves football. I assured him that unless he made me go to hot yoga with him where he then took his shirt off to reveal a rose hip tattoo, I promised to never question his masculinity.

Then I realized just how often that exact topic has come up since it happened. That being the hot yoga with your boss who then takes off his shirt to reveal a rose hip tattoo. And since it clearly didn't come up here, it might as well come up now.

I have practiced hot yoga with my boss (this sounds kinky). Who just so happened to be the General Counsel of a billion dollar company. He also was a tiny man. Not only was he much shorter than me, he was a triathlete so he was also much fitter than me. And once he found out I was into yoga, he wanted to come with one day since he was looking for a new studio. Now. There are many things that could go wrong in this scenario, but none of them bothered to cross my mind at the time. I can say though from experience that hot yoga with your boss is just in general not a good idea.

There were probably 50 people in the class, so our mats were close. and of course he wanted to sit next to me since he didn't know anyone else. The room is a million degrees, so we were sweaty. And as a result of said sweat,  he proceeded to take off his shirt. As if that wasn't weird enough - for me to be doing hot yoga with my shirtless boss after work - the shirt removal revealed a single rose tattooed on his hip bone.  Now, because he was a tiny man, his rose hip tattoo took up basically his entire hip. And I'm not gonna lie - I noticed it. I mean, put yourself in my shoes for a minute. I'm a hot yoga. With my tiny boss. Who has taken his shirt off. OF COURSE I AM GOING TO LOOK AT HIM PEOPLE.

And promptly fall out of whatever pose was going on at that moment because I just cannot stop laughing. Judgmental I am not.

And you know, since yoga is supposed to be everyone's own practice, and talking has never been seen as anything but a distraction, all I could do was shake and tremble in silent laughter. And of course I put myself in child's pose so I could laugh into the mat. He whisper yells at me that I better not be laughing at him and if I can't keep a secret he will kill me.

Remember. This is my tiny boss. and he signs my paychecks. and now he has made yoga a violent place by threatening to kill me.

After yoga, he didn't even bother to ask what I was laughing at. He just says something along the lines of he used to be single, had to impress his girlfriend at the time, they were drunk at a guns n roses concert and so he decided to get a rose tattooed on his hip to express his masculinity to her.

oh. okay.

I'm sorry but i still think about that rose hip tattoo on that tiny man.

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