Some Pillow Talk

I had a friend who went on a date with an odd duck. He wasn’t really her type (ok, so really, he just wasn’t my type for her, but unless I pick them out, they won’t be) and he was foreign. Now, I will admit, dating a foreigner has its perks. You get to experience a different culture. Sometimes, they have an exotic accent. The best part of an exotic accent is when they take you to dinner and order things like “surf and turf.” Try it out loud. Say surf and turf with an accent. Bet you’ll start saying it to yourself when you can’t think of anything else to talk to yourself about. Foreigners also have a perfectly good excuse for wearing speedos and man purses. So, that’s false. Unless you’re an Olympic swimmer swimming IN THE OLYMPICS, there is NO excuse for wearing a speedo. No one wants to see all that. anyway, one night, this odd duck gave my friend a pillow. Yes. You heard. A pillow. A big, plump, velvety pillow with sequins and tassels.

1. Pillows are weird. I don’t want a pillow from anyone but myself. Or I at least want to purchase it on my own so I know where it came from.
2. There’s no tellin how old this pillow is. But I don’t want a pillow as a gift. What if it has bed bugs?
3. I definitely don’t want a velvety pillow with tassels. This is 2010, not 1967. Besides, velvet looks soft but it’s not really THAT soft against your face (or anything else. I’m not dumb. I know pillows can be used for many things).
4. Am I supposed to put this pillow out, in case my beau stops by unexpectedly and then wonders why I don’t have his ugly pillow out for all the world to see?
5. If I don’t put this ugly pillow out, or use it behind my back in the car, then does that mean I don’t appreciate my beau or his thoughtfulness?
6. Is it really the thought that counts when it comes to a PILLOW?

A token of his affection or just a weird gift from a weird boy? I’m not sure but I think this pillow is going to cause too many problems. They better break up. Especially since he isn’t my type.