Monday, April 25, 2011

i got my bieber back bieber back bieber back ribs

I recognize several truths about myself: I am needy and require a lot of attention. Positive reinforcement if you will. I once asked Art if I was high maintenance and he said no, I was simply a different type of maintenance (I like this approach and this is precisely why he is my friend). I cheer for you when I see you because I like to be cheered for. I give you a high five because I don't like getting flipped off. At any rate, because I recognize these truths, I don't try to hide them. No matter what aspect of my life I may be involved in at the time. I told my trainer from day one that I require positive reinforcement. Basically, if he tells me how strong and lean I am, I will perform better. I don't really feel like it is my place to positively reinforce him however. Like, this isn't a trade off. I mean, despite the fact that basically everything I already say to him is borderline inappropriate, I don't feel telling him how strong and lean he is is beneficial to me. besides, it makes me feel less inappropriate when he builds me up (this takes stroking one's ego to a whole new level, I suppose).

The other day, Emily and I had both had sadly days and were feeling downtrodden. Because we are emotional eaters, we promptly went to Cook Out where we each dined on a foot long wienie, fries, and giant sweet teas (for me. she had diet coke because she is slightly healthier than I). My trainer previously shared with me that every time I eat something, I should think about him and whether or not he would be mad at me for what I was about to eat. Apparently I didn't take this seriously enough because I waited until I had already taken a bite of my wienie before sending him a picture of it and asking if he was mad. Apparently this was the wrong thing to do because tonight I did not receive positive reinforcement. After the verbal beating I received, I called Emily and told her that I did not join the military because I know I don't do well being told I am a failure at life.


But then I realized that the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me happened just this day at work and that the Lord knew what he was doing today when I received this special gift. You see, a few weeks ago, I was directed to this blog and I was immediately jealous. green doesn't even begin to describe the shade of my cheeks as I read this. How does a girl get this lucky! People - she KNOWS personally someone who WORKS for the BIEBS. As in CLEANS OUT HIS CLOSET. and I'm sorry but Marshall Mathers ain't got nothin' on that.

I of course, in the least stalkerish way, commented, then clicked follow, and then wished upon every star I could see in the night sky that I could be so lucky. Fast forward about a few weeks. My fave IT guy (but don't tell the others), Mason and his friend Blake show up outside my officle door and present to me MY VERY OWN BIEBER SWEATER!!!! Basically, Kim, my new blog (and best) friend wanted me to have my own sweater. I'm sure she felt sorry for me after reading my ode to him - wait, no she doesn't. She knows how it feels to be almost 30 and have the fever. I'm so glad to have found this kindred spirit because she selected a sweater from the Bieber stash and put in her fiance Blake's bag to bring to me when he came to visit Mason this week. Really, I think Blake came to NC for work, but what is work anyway? You cannot imagine my surprise and my excitement. At first I didn't believe it. Then I started getting really excited. I put on my Bieber sweater (size XS) and danced around. I exclaimed I couldn't wait to buy purple high tops and my first pair of skinny jeans. I secretly wished I didn't have this giant zit on my chin because it was taking away from the beauty of my sweater. There were a lot of haters surrounding my officle, but Blake and Kim (and Mason by default) had my back. My BIEBER BACK.

So tonight, I just want to say to all you haters who don't believe in the power of reinforcement. I don't need your reinforcement. The fact that I am wrapped up in a size XS sweater pre-owned by the most amazing hip hop artist of all time (sorry Chris Brown and Ursher) is all the reinforcement I need to know that I am awesome.

and no, I haven't tweeted the Biebs a pic of me in his sweater. I'm pretty sure I'm already on his radar but I am not sure we've reached the point where we are sharing clothes.

also, no, it does not smell like him, but I'm not surprised. I mean, I'm sure he just started wearing deo, so of course everything will smell freshly deo'ed. but, I am researching his after shave so I can douse my bieber sweater with it. that way, it WILL smell like him. and yes, the biebs shaves. so of course he wears after shave.


  1. I am totes jeal and wish I too could have my own ode to Bieb... and Deezy you are right this is way better than the homeless jacket, can it finally be thrown in the goodwill pile? Or maybe you should send it to the Biebs so he can have something that smells like you, something that you have been wearing since his conception ;)

  2. I think they make pills to help with stuff like this...