Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Royal Mistake, err, Engagement.

There have been several articles written on the Top 10 Things You Should Know About Kate Middleton. So, I’ve decided to tell you the Top 10 Reasons Why Prince William Should Be Marrying Me, Not Her.

1. She is a Commoner. I am Royalty. Robertson means “Sons of Robert,” traced back to Robert the Bruce, King of Scots. This is a big deal people. This hasn't happened since like the 1300s. Way to go, Dub, breaking the tradition with a common street urchin.
2. She may have a proper and debonair British accent, but I have a syrupy sweet and genuine Southern accent.
3. While she wears wide brimmed hats to church and weddings, and pulls them off quite well, I am from the land of the Carolina Cup and can pull off a wide brimmed hat to work, the gas station and pretty much everywhere else I go. As a matter of fact, I’m wearing one right this very minute.
4. My bff Natalie and I had royal names growing up. I was Lady Meredith of Robertson and she, Lady Natalie of Carraway. Add a simple shire on the end of it, and bam, you’re a duchess. Lady Meredith of Robertsonshire, thereby giving me a MUCH more royal name than KATE MIDDLETON. How about Kate Middleofnowhereshire (which you know is her real last name). Yeah, not the same ring.
5. Believe it or not, I actually attended etiquette class in my younger years. I know how to properly set a table, cross my ankles (not my legs), and I NEVER sing at the table.
6. I have delicate and soft fingers so that 24 carat sapphire would look smokin’ hot on any digit of mine, not just my engagement finger.
7. I know how to shag, and we all know the British LOVE to shag.
8. I already know how to use the word “bloody” in a sentence. Typically when asking for a Bloody Mary, but nonetheless, it’s part of my vocabulary. I’m also more than willing to make snogging a word in my vocab as well.
9. She played sports growing up and apparently hasn’t worked since college. I still play sports and I have a job. Clearly, William would have to sign a pre-nup. I mean, I’m not going to risk losing any of my riches just because he is a PRINCE.
10. I have been practicing my wave for 28 years and and really want to sit on a throne and have a coronation. And dammit, I really want to wear that crown on my head.

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