Sunday, July 10, 2011

what are you talking about? i've found a baby before.

below are some nuggets (in the form of thoughts, quotes and txt messages) that highlight approximately 15 hours of my weekend.

"whoa. what is this? Vanilla Ice's cd? Why aren't we listening to this right now?" (it is important to note we were in my car)

"do you know where she lives?"
"no. I just know the cross street."
"How can you not know where she lives?"
"I do know it's the house with the fence and the porch upstairs."
"that's great detail. especially since all the houses on this block have a fence and a porch upstairs."

"She just sent me a txt that she is in the pawn shop" (fyi it was about 10:30a)
"why is she in the pawn shop? does she need breakfast money?"

"don't forget about me when you go for your car."
"wait, where is she?
"what? what happened to her?"
"I don't know but I got this txt from her: smoked and chatted with the cabbie on the way home.
"what did you say?"
"I asked her what she smoked. She said she didn't know."

"I saved her in my phone as Soul mate and she saved me as Soul mate."
"I can't believe you've been keeping my soul mate from me."
"are you ever going to look at me, your boyfriend, the same way you looked at your soul mate?"

"is your house the one with garden gnomes in the yard?"
"gnomes? No, I don't think so. I think they're angels."

(while digging in the dirt for her spare key since she locked us out of the house) "I just knocked over the cross. is that sacrilege?"
"no. but i need to brush my teeth. how are we going to get in?"
"I guess through my back window."
"I can hoist you up."
(we managed to break and enter into her house. She has bruises and scrapes up and down her legs. It was awesome. Especially at 9a on a Sat. morning).

"I feel like I'm being kidnapped. Can you please take me back to my car now?"

"I'm having an 80's party after the hurricane party."
"80's party is canceled. no one is coming."

"umm, when have you ever seen a guy change a filter with duct tape?"
"umm, when have you ever seen a guy with a giant foot cast change a filter with duct tape?"

"what is that?"
"it appears to be a nekkid baby doll"
"in the cab?"
"yes. we are in a cab and there is a nekkid doll baby on the ground."
"don't act like this isn't normal. you're in your clothes from last night and I'm in men's pajamas. and we're in a cab on a sat. morning with a nekkid baby doll on the floor."
"and our cabby has no teeth. like, at all."

"and there I was, lying on the bathroom floor crying because I had eaten 18 cookies. But then I threw up and I felt better. and that my friends, was my brush with appendicitis."

"I want a cup of gumbo but I don't want any fish bones in it."
"do you mean claws?"
"yes. i don't want any claws or fish bones in my soup please."

"that was the best shag I've ever shagged!"
"oh, we dipped and twirled and showed all those old farts what's up."

"Is that blood on the floor?"
"I'm not sure. I tried to wipe it up. It's been there for awhile."
"who is it from? No one has been here!"
"well, it's not from me. I checked. but one time, this guy came over and dropped a fork on his foot. and he was gushing blood and we didn't realize it until later."
"I want to know who left dried blood on my floor. and on second thought, who stabs themselves with a fork?"

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