In the midst of my Christmas Card excitement, I forgot to tell you about my all time favorite Christmas tradition. No, it is not decorating the tree. Or going to McAdenville to see the lights. or reading about Jesus' birth by the fire. Or watching 24 Hours of A Christmas Story (though that one is a fast second). No, it is the reading of one of the greatest Christmas stories of all time. The Night Before Christmas. ghetto style. so, here it is. for your viewing/reading/ab workout from laughing so hard pleasure.
'Twas da night befo' Christmas & all in the hood,
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good;
The tube socks was hung on the window sill
And we all had smiles up on our grill.
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib -
In the back bedroom, cuz that's how we live.
And Mom’s in her do-rag and me with my nine,
Had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by,
Bumpin' phat beats cuz the system's fly;
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas' '
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass!
Well anyway.... I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, “Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness.”
I said, for real doe, “come check dis out,”
We weren't even buggin', no worries, no doubt.
Cuz bumpin' an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh;
Da beats was kickin', da ride was phat,
I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!"
To the top of the projects & across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof,
And sippin' on a 40, he busted a move;
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
He said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!”
“But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz -
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
A credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
He slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat,
And busted the window wit' a b-ball bat.
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whyd’ya bust my place?"
He said, "You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old;
He dropped down the duffle, Bull’s logo on the side.
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof;
He jumped in his hooptie wit' rims made of chrome,
To tap that big booty waitin' at home.
And all I heard as he cruised outta sight,
Was a loud and hearty..... "WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"