last night, lee called to tell me about his day. Now, it is important for you to know that whenever something goes terribly wrong in my family, we all start calling each other. So, by the time I talked to the Esquire, I was already well aware of the calamities of his day. It is also important for you to know that if something can go terribly wrong, it is going to go terribly wrong to Lee. To say he has bad luck may or may not be an understatement.
A little bit of background for you (and to refresh your memory). For the past 3 years, my big brother has been living the democratic dream, taking full advantage of the best kind of handout: He's lived rent free in his ex girlfriend's house in exchange for "keeping up the premises" (whatever that means). Well, law school is over and conveniently, the house has been sold. It's been on the market for three years and it makes you wonder if it had a 1,095 day closing period. Because the house has sold, and the purchase did not include having Lee as a built in roommate, he's being forced to move. And he finds this highly offensive. To make matters worse, he's having to move back in with mom and dad until he starts earning a paycheck. (I will use this moment to remind everyone that mom and dad are remodeling the kids' bathroom in their house, so for the next three months, the three of them will be sharing one bathroom. I can't wait for this.) Now if you know anything about my brother, you know that stress is not something he handles well. So you can imagine the effect being treated like an Indian walking down the Trail of Tears has had. It all culminated into a giant ball of cluster when Lee shut the garage door on to the back windshield of my mom's car, thereby breaking the garage door and shattering the back windshield. I'm not sure anyone is sure how this exactly happened. All we know is it did. And mom and dad had to leave the office and haul buggy to tend to Lee. Lee who in turn told them he didn't know how they were going to tend to him when they were 75. Mom told him he had 15 years to find a wife to tend to him.
So back to my point. Lee called to tell me about his day. I interrupted him and said "Lee, I already know about your day. But the point is you do not handle change well and you are 32. It is time to get a grip on yourself." "That is your opinion Meredith and that may be so but I called to tell you about my troubles not for you to tell me what to do."
um, excuse me? You didn't call for me to tell you what to do?
"Then why did you call me?" I asked. He said he didn't know, informed me I was annoying him, and hung up the phone. And there you have it.