Tuesday, June 12, 2012

new obsession

y'all. i know that everyone recognizes i have an addictive personality. as in I tend to get really really really hung up on trivial matters. it's a super safe bet to say it's a good thing i've never smoked crack, because i'd probably be addicted to that too. my latest addiction? these extremely vain bloggers who seem to have really awesome lives. Like honestly...where do these girls get the time, or the money, to live the way they do? They shop nonstop. They party nonstop. We're talking classed up Kesha.  Lucky for readers like me, it's a good thing that they don't have the same makeup tips as Kesha. because otherwise I'd be showing up to work with a star glitter painted over my eye and liquid leather pants. And while these bloggers apparently celebrate fancy pants friday every day of the week, I just don't have the time or the energy to make that much effort.

Actually, it's sort of like when I went to the NC State gym the other day and felt insecure next to all the hot toddies that were in there. Here I was in my throwback to college years tshirt and yesterday's gym shorts, trying to get in a decent workout after working my ass off all day and these babes had dressed up to go to the gym. I was trying my darndest to not rip my hair out due to the stress of being a bona fide adult and little did I know, the new thing was to wear false eyelashes and chicken cutlets to the gym. (of course, had I known these tips prior to my gym visit, maybe I wouldn't have felt like such a tool when I fell off the treadmill watching the boys. I tell you what. College boys just didn't look that way when I was in college. The fact that I went to an all girls school had nothing to do with it, either).

So, in honor of that, I am starting a new tradition. Every week, I am going to give you a tip on how I manage look like the overworked, underpaid, sleep deprived real life babe that I know I am. My hope is that through my honesty, we can all better embrace the fact that we are all of the above. I am going to start owning the fact that I look like complete trash when I come to work. We're talking when I do put on a face, my coworkers ask what the occasion is.

Today's tip on how to look like me is to start with your hair:

I do recommend washing it, but that is only because I have greasy hair. And let's face it. I may not actually know how to do my hair, but I do know that greasy hair is only appropes for the weekend. So, wash your hair, dry it while brushing furiously (a paddle brush or a round brush...I'm sure they are supposed to have different effects, but I don't know them) and then tie it on top of your head in what I call the "messy pony." Make sure you haven't had your highlights touched up in 9 weeks (I know it's been 9 because my hair girl - yes, I have one - emailed me yesterday to remind me I need to come in). Throw on some fabulous dangly earbobs and no one can tell you that you look like a hot mess. Actually, yes they can. I know this because this morning while waiting for the elevator, someone said "well. don't you look like a hot mess." True story.

Oh but one more thing. You can bet I'm going to stock up on some of those false eyelashes. I've been needing a pick me up anyway.

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