Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Tupac Shaker: A Theory

Q: Did they fine Tupac’s body?
A: yes, that’s how they learnt he got shot.

Wow. Thank you for that, wiki answers posting.

I have a lot of theories but one of the greatest of my theories is on Tupac. Now, we all know about Tupac. Sometimes, it’s 2Pac. Sometimes, it’s Makaveli, or if you’re like me, you call him Two Pack Shaker. I know Tupac got murdered by someone in Biggie’s gang, and I think someone from Tupac’s gang killed Biggie. Once, in Raleigh, I was driving behind a big moving van that had both of them airbrushed onto the back garage door of the truck with the words “stop the violence” surrounding them. I wish I had had a camera phone in my life because it was an awesome truck. I’ve never forgotten it and still see it in my head.

Tupac is listed as the only artist to ever have an album at #1 while serving a prison sentence…Ok, why is this even a category? I like T.I. and I like Lil Wayne, and clearly I like Pac just as much as the next person. Side note, I think it’s hysterical Lil Wayne’s peeps threw him a going away party before he went to the pokey, but seriously, WHY is having an album while in the slammer even a category? Prisoners have way too many rights as it is, and being able to release an album shouldn’t be included. I didn’t have cable tv growing up, prisoners do. I haven’t released an album, but apparently prisoners have. This is a problem for me.

I’ve always had this theory that Tupac didn’t really die, that his mother never identified his body and that he was really secretly living in Italy where he was still producing records and writing music (and I’m pretty sure my brother helped me with this theory since he helped me with every other thing I grew up believing wrongly). But, think about it. I mean, who else who else can release THAT many posthumous albums??!?! I’ve got a lot of stuff stored up for release after my demise, but only enough to tide you over during mourning. After listening to “Changes” by Tupac during our road trip home from Miami this weekend, Natalie and I got into a heated debate about what really happened to Two Pack Shaker. I decided to look it up online, because you are guaranteed the truth online. Wikipedia gave me the full recount of what happened that fateful night in Vegas. It says he died of respiratory failure and cardiopulmonary arrest. His mother ordered the docs to take him off life support, but it doesn’t say she was there when he was taken off life support. It doesn’t say she was there to make sure the docs followed her orders. So, SHE NEVER IDENTIFIED THE BODY!!! (partial theory proven right, thank you Wikipedia) It then goes on to say he was cremated and members of his group smoked his ashes in a joint. Excuse me? Paging Grandma’s Boy? Like wtf. WHO does that??? I don’t smoke pot – it’s just not ever been my thang. But I have a little idea that smoking the ashes of one my friends wouldn’t make me enjoy it even more. It might actually make me really sad, not to mention that it would just really weird me out. Like seriously really weird me out. But let’s really think about this…does weed from a plant and weed from a person taste any different? I cannot imagine that it would, because weed is weed is weed, so I think it’s fair to say that there’s a good chance they didn’t really smoke Tupac, meaning he could very well be in Italy living in costume. Bam! Partial Theory part two proven right.

Pac is listed in Forbes’ list of top earning Dead Celebrities. But, I’m pretty sure Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole own that list now, so I’m gonna have to say this might also prove my theory that Tupac really isn’t dead…also, this year, his song Dear Mama is being added to the National Recording Registry…that’s really sweet since his mom apparently lives in the town of her birth, Lumberton, NC. (My friend Emily, of exorcism fame, has really researched this in depth and we’ve fought about it but I think she might be onto something, especially since she (Tupac's mama, not my friend) was charged on April 16 of THIS YEAR with possession in LUMBERTON!!!!) …I almost got killed in Lumberton, ya know.

Another diddy about Pac? There’s a memorial to him in Herford, Germany. And GUESS WHO just happens to be going to Deutschland in November??? Forget the Christmas markets!


  1. Ur a dumb fuck....

  2. I'm sure you have a problem with the "rights" inmates get, because Ur ignorant of the facts you speak on... I hate the fact that someone with Ur limited knowledge is even speaking on the life and death of Tupac Amur Shakur.....