Friday, August 26, 2011

single in the wrong city

Because my friends are aware that it would be easier to double date with the Deeze if the Deeze has a date to bring to the equation, they are always happy to help in my quest for securing a date. The other day, my friend Carolyn sent me the Top 25 richest cities for singles in the country, at least as CNN Money sees it. Obviously, as a single who does not live in any of these cities, I have a lot of issues with their list. My main point of contention is that none of the cities include Raleigh, where I now live. I mean, granted, I ain't that rich but I love rich men, so you can see why this would be slightly concerning. The other super concerning issue is that I know without a doubt had this list come from Fox News, it would be entirely different. You know why? Because Fox news is fair. and balanced. At any rate, below I have supplied you with my thoughts on what I know about some of the best and richest cities for singles in America (and why it may or may not be a good idea for me to move there).

1. Manhattan Beach, CA -- ok, this absolutely just really cannot be true. I have a dear friend who got arrested in Manhattan Beach for not paying a cabbie the exact amount his meter said she owed. It's clearly not single friendly, since she was single and ended up in the slammer. What he should have done was given her a Krispie Kreme donut.
2. Tysons Corner, VA -- I could understand this. The company I work for has an office here, and since I love everyone I work with, it makes total sense. Though I wasn't aware there were that many singles at our Tyson's Corner office. I'll be putting in for my relo shortly.
3. Beverly Hills, CA -- this I can halfway understand. Eric Menendez, my newest prison crush, is from there. And he came as a pair, so not only are they single and rich, but they also come in multiples out in Beverly Hills. And we all know the only thing better than a rich single man is a rich single man with a brother. (please take my picture by the pool because I'm the next big thing)
4. Hermosa Beach, CA
5. Madison, NJ -- I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that there's a good chance nothing in NJ belongs on this list or that myself belongs in NJ (or anyone I know for that matter).
6. Milton, MA -- besides its almost complete liberalness of a state (I say almost complete because my friend Karoline lives in Boston and is not liberal), this area was actually on my list at one point of places to move. Bostonian men have edge. And the only thing better than a guy with edge is a guy who likes to live on the edge. and living on the edge is so much safer when you are rich.
7. Arlington, VA -- I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love every time I've gone to DC. Other than the time it was with a waiter from PF Changs who ended up being nothing short of a complete train wreck (we're talking he made Lindsay Lohan seem stable), everyone else has been rich. and usually single.
8. Coronado, CA
9. Montclair, NJ -- I mean really. What is with all the NJ promos? Did someone from NJ write this article?
10. Edgewater, NJ -- When looking for ANY reason at all to agree with CNN's clear prejudice towards NJ (other than obviously the fact that Debbie, my friend who owns the NBA lives there), I found that this little town not only has a small number of New Jersey-ans, which is nice, but also is home to a colony of free-flying parrots. that could be a lot of fun actually.
11. Easton, MA
12. Okemos, MI -- Okemos sounds like Eskimo and as exciting as an eskimo kiss sounds right about now, I'm not sure I want it to happen in Michican.
13. Marina del Ray, CA
14. Irvine, CA
15. Ardmore, PA
16. Arden Hills, MN -- on my flight from Indianapolis to Minneapolis recently, I met a boy who was on his way to North Dakota. When I asked him who actually goes to North Dakota, he told me I was judgemental. And all I know is, if the mall of America ain't there, then why would anyone actually go to Minnesota? Other than to say "I'm from Men-a-sowwwwta" obviously.
17. Edwards, CO -- Edwards isn't that far from Vail. And you know who lives in Vail? Ryan and Trista from the Bachelorette. And you know who lives in Breck, which is also near Vail (and subsequently, Edwards)? Jesse from the Bachelorette. Which means between these two families, they must have lots of single (and rich) reality tv show friends who you KNOW must come skiing. Hello, Colorado.
18. Westbury, NY
19. Lisle, IL
20. Herndon, VA -- It's a good thing VA is getting some shout outs on this list. It IS for lovers after all.
21. Arlington, MA
22. Kirkland, WA -- they may be rich and single, but I can pretty much bet your bottom dollar it's because they work for Microsoft. And who wants a pompous, proprietary bastard anyway?
23. Alexandria, VA -- Besides the Revolutionary War re-enactments, there is also a Torpedo Museum here. No wonder it's full of rich singles. It's like a grown man's sand box.
24. Campbell, CA
25. Berkeley, CA -- they may be single in Berkeley, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with their lack of bathing and general personal hygiene more than anything else. I mean yeah, the Tevas are an issue. Additionally, is anyone in Berkeley rich? I didn't know hippies came with lots of dough. If so, then it's a good thing I'm already not into bathing...


1 comment:


    AND I spotted Ryan and Trista there.
    Also, JTT was spotted in Breckenridge last summer...just sayin'.
    Also, Edwards is SO not far from me.
    Oh, also...there are many fine men who enjoy wearing patagonia and doing activities such as skiing/snowboarding, driving snowcats (that's sexy...), and fly fishing.

    So, yeah, I'd like to fully 100% endorse your moving to this here fine state! mmmmhmm.

    kthanks ;) xoxo