Wednesday, October 26, 2011

(don't) save the date

Recently, somehow, someway, I found myself discussing etiquette and debating its relevancy. My opponent was quite amused to learn I had not one but multiple etiquette books. I guess I can see why this might be amusing. Especially when I compliment the chef with a belch or don't always put my hand in my lap at the supper table all the while singing at the top of my lungs. Emily Post just released a new edition of her etiquette book and I can't wait to get my hands on it. I'm curious about a few things that aren't in my etiquette books. Namely, save the dates.

Now, first, let me disclaim that I fully recognize that all of the trash I have talked about other people's weddings will come back to haunt me one day. If I ever get married, I'll probably have to have a secret wedding just so people can't judge my food or gown or music selection like I have done in the past. But one thing I know for a fact I will not do is send save the dates.

Shortly after graduation, I received a save the date in the mail for a girl that I knew but wasn't particular close with. I was actually quite surprised to get this piece of mail, but since I love mail, and was secretly excited for the new addition to my stamp collection, I decided I would take what I could get. And because I was surprised to have received a save the date, I called my good friend to inquire about whether or not she too had received a save the date. She had not but she made a good point when she asked me did I even want to save the date to this wedding. But, the thing is, part of me did want to save the date. I mean, at that point, I was attending at least a wedding a month and what was one more. Besides, only a stupid can argue against the free food and drink a wedding provides. At any rate, I knew when it came down to it, I wouldn't be and guested and I probably wouldn't go (and this was before I even really had beef with people who don't and guest their single friends), so I did not in fact save the date. It was a good thing too since the wedding came and went and I never received an invitation. It wasn't until a few months after the fact while perusing the book that I realized this information (obviously wedding pictures had been posted by this point). Upon realizing this, I called my friend up and told her it was a good thing I hadn't saved the date since I hadn't even been invited to the wedding.

We then began to it worse knowing you're on the B list by the lack of invitation in your mailbox or is it worse knowing you were on the A list and then removed as I clearly had been?

I'm not really sure. All I know is boy am I glad I didn't save that date. I would have been sorely disappointed had I stood up myself for a wedding.


  1. I'm totally with you on the Save the Dates... and I think Emily Post would be on our side too. Just saying', because I also own 2 of her books.

  2. I'm not big on save the dates either! I think the ONLY time they are needed is if the wedding is a destination wedding or if the bride or grooms families live extremely far apart. (One of my friends just got married to a girl whose whole family, except her, lived in Michigan - save the dates for her side fo the fam and friends are acceptable.) That gives people time to plan, save, and make travel plans.