Monday, October 31, 2011

29th Year of the Deeze

Tomorrow, I turn 29. I know. How in the EFFFFF did I get so old? I may or may not have spied a gray hurr up in my do the other day. I keep reading all these things about what women can and can't do once they turn 30, which would mean I have exactly one year left to act juvenile and childish. I thought about having a birthday party to mark the beginning of what is sure to be the craziest year I've lived (you try thinking about all the things you do that you shouldn't once you become a real deal adult. You'd be overwhelmed too. And hell bent on overdosing on every activity). Remember Roger Murtaugh and how he's too old for this shit? Well, I've created my own Murtaugh List below (if I were having a party, these are the things we'd do) of some things I have read that I can no longer do once I turn 30. So, for the next year, I'm going to party like a rock star and get it ALL out of my system. You know, before I really am too old for this shit.

Merdeezy's Murtaugh List
1. crush on Justin Bieber (at least he turns 18 before I turn 30)
2. give high fives (you better take me to jail now because I am going to continue giving high fives until I am blue in the face. or my hand hurts. whichever comes first)
3. play beer pong (this is ok. but then again, when I play beer pong, I play with Mike's Hard Lemonade so I guess this rule doesn't apply to me)
4. take shots (I won't argue with this one. I wore out this welcome on my second 21st birthday)
5. drink pink panty out of a cooler (ok so it was really jungle juice but come on people! I mean, I guess it makes sense because what 60 year old have you seen on his or her knees with a straw in a cooler full or jungle juice?)
6. eat spaghetti out of a can (yep. not happening. As much as I love to cook, I'm pretty sure even when I'm 30 a can of spaghetti o's and my couch are gonna look pretty appealing for dinner after a long hard day in the cube)
7. party till 5a (why? Do the circles under my eyes get darker once I turn 30?)
8. refer to your friends as dude, girls and boys and all activities as shenanigans (hmm. guess I better go back to grammar school and learn a new vocabulary)
9. make out in bars or anywhere public for that matter (well damn. I better get busy finding my husband this next year because I don't ever want to have to tell my children that I never got to make out with their father in a bar)
10. wear dirty clothes off the floor and go to bed without washing your face (guess Trudy only has one more year before she dies)

so, for the next year, if you see me doing anything other than actin a fool, please correct me in my place. Give me a high five, compliment my dirty clothes and ask how the biebs is doing. Because for the next 365 days, I'm gonna party like it is


and then I'm going to die.

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