Thursday, May 12, 2011

How to roll deep - deeze style

While discussing the Indy 500 last night via txt with my friend Emily in FL, and how we were going to convince Tracie to give me a ticket to the race, I suggested Emily nag Tracie on my behalf.

me: Make both of our dreams come true.
Emily: that was so deep
me: I roll deep.
me: what does that even mean?
Emily: I have no idea.

So today, I investigated. Urban Dictionary has quite a good definition of what it means to roll deep. And I have taken the liberty to adjust it, revise it, and will continue to incorporate it in my life. According to the UD, rolling deep is a result of all the dangers of the streets of the nineties (I guess they were more dangerous than any of the streets of the Forbes' 2010 Top 15 Most Dangerous Cities, one of which I hail from and the reason behind the fact that I truly really am a g). While strength CAN and IS found in numbers, large entourages following you do not necessarily mean you roll deep. Rolling deep, simply put means that you are not to be effed with.
Rolling deep defends you and threatens others.

From the 9 steps below, you will see how I do in fact already roll deep.

1. Put on the hardest clothes you can find (consult the latest number one video on Rap City) and practice scowling in the mirror for a few hours. The scowl is on the most integral aspects of rolling deep and must be perfected. (since I'm apparently moody, this is not an issue for me. I've got some war paint for my cheek bones too, and since I went to high school where the principal handed out rope to boys without their belts, I know how to drop my drawers and obviously my Bieber sweater will be used in instances of rolling deep).

2. Take a deep breath and tell yourself you are hard until you believe it. (I don't need to believe it. I know I'm hard).
3. Pretend you are in a rap video, running down the street in slow motion (uh what do you think I do at the gym every day?)

4. Visualize yourself as an actual member of a video posse. (clearly the maker of this list didn't know that a video posse is just one of the many posses I belong to).
5. Practice the "What the f$#@?!" arm gesture (both arms open, palms spread outward) until it becomes an automatic response to any question, especially if from a parent, cop, boss, or teacher. (Since I taught some friends how to shake their fist at fellows drivers on the way to Naples, FL one year, I will adopt the fist shake as my what the eff gesture)
6. Grow some sort of "hard" facial hair. (I really hope the inability to grow much facial hair doesn't negate my hardness)
7. Look around a lot, like you expecting static from any direction. (I don't expect it. It comes with the territory I roll in)
8. Cultivate a fake limp or strut and walk extremely slowly. (I love pretending to be handicapped so this won't be a problem and maybe people will take me more seriously).
9. Refer to people only as biznitch or fool.(uhh, already part of my vocab).

All you have to do is follow these simple rules, and you will be ready to gather your crew and roll deep. Keep in mind that a larger group does not necessarily signify a deeper roll. Some people will never be able to roll deep, no matter who makes up their roll. If you are new to the art of rolling deep, you should never try to flex on someone who clearly rolls deeper than you. It's better to practice rolling deep on things that can't hurt you before trying to roll deep in real life. Street signs that got you pulled over, drink machines that stole your money, keyboards that don't type what you want - these are all examples of things that would be good practice points of rollling deep. Once you master these you can move on to blind people, stray cats and other things that are alive but can't really hurt you (just in case your roll doesn't work for some reason. It's rare, but it happens). Upon mastery of this category, you can move on up the chain and pretty soon, you'll be able to flex on old people and babies alike, knowing that only someone with as much confidence in their roll as you have really does roll deep.

Keep on flexin, live your lyrics, and never try to roll deep before you're ready.

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