someone please call 911

Eli has apparently lost her credit card once again. And by lost I mean she's had it taken away by the authorities. And because of this, she has hit rock bottom. I almost hit the bottom of the floor tonight in the grocery store when Lee called to tell me about this. I honestly may not have ever laughed so hard in a grocery store before in.my.life (and if you know me, that's saying something. Because I'm the funniest person I know and the grocery store has lots for me to discuss with myself about).

Since losing your credit card is a big deal no matter how old you are, Eli called her big brother in the midst of her panic attack. Except, unlike most big brothers, I'm not sure ours is really the wisest choice to call. I mean for starters, he is like panic mcgee 99.9% of the time. if you call him more than once, which I often do since he is a call screener (multiple calling is my personal favorite way to make someone pick up the phone. it doesn't make anyone agitated at all), he will return your call with "um is everything ok? Because you're calling me non stop like you may be dead." Thanks for the concern, bro, but if I were dead I probably wouldn't be calling you. not first at least. But with today's technology, calling didn't make sense. So Eli facebooked Lee. In the middle of her crisis.

I AM HAVING AN EMERGENCY
i need a fucking milkshake and i have no money. mom and dad took my credit card.

I have no gas, i literally have .03 miles till empty. and i have NO money.

you need to come bring me a milkshake and ten dollars.

lee i need some money damnit.

you have tons of money. give me some.

what time is ur class over

LEE

i better have a milkshake at 6.

i want a Mary E special from cookout

they will know what that is

I would like to discuss the emergencies herein....right, my point exactly. There are none. Clearly my biggest concern is that the Cookout has a Mary E special and I didn't know about it. I mean, how often do I go to the Cookout and I don't even know they have a milkshake full of Eli whoopin' ass and taking names? Forget only ordering a corn dog at the drive thru. next time it's a corn dog and a mary e special. and if they don't have it? oh you can bet all hell is gonna break loose.